Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Moment to Breathe


Do you remember when you were a kid and you used to get bored? It seems now that boredom would almost be a luxury. In the time between getting home and leaving to go back and do some more work this afternoon, I almost find myself bored. But then I think of all the other things that I miss doing and I realize that there is no such thing as boredom anymore. There are so many other small luxuries to fill my time.

For a few minutes I sat and played the piano. I can't even remember the last time I got to sit down and really just play. There's something therapeutic about sitting at the piano bench and letting the music flow from your fingers. It's like thinking without words. Processing thoughts and feelings without really encountering them. I love instrumental worship. One of my favorite things to do is sit at the piano in an empty sanctuary at church and just improvise. Playing around with different melodies and chord progressions and letting all the feelings pour from me without saying them. Using my fingers to say "God, I love you, and this is how I'm expressing it right now."

You know... it's ironic that hear I am using words to express the indulgence of thinking and feeling without words. I don't have to be anywhere for half an hour, and I think there's a piano upstairs calling my name.

Monday, July 17, 2006


It's been a while since I've blogged, but it's because life has just been crazy. That and the thoughts in my mind somehow don't seem blog-worthy.

In less than a week, the first day camp starts, and I'm excited to see it all come together. Of course, I'm also really nervous to see how it's going to turn out. I am afraid that sometimes what I tell myself is a goal of excellence is actually perfection. Right now, we're not hurting super badly for staff... Which should really be a huge relief. BUT, the reason we aren't hurting is because registrations are down. Somehow I feel like it would be better to be stressed about finding staff, but here I am, instead stressed about getting registrations in.

My co-worker assures me that I don't really need to stress about this, since there is nothing we can do about it anyway. And yet, I wonder what I could possibly have done wrong that registrations are down so low.

Blame is an interesting thing. It seems we often blame others for our own mistakes, but we blame ourselves for things we have no control over. I know I struggle with that. It probably comes from a desire to please others. I can't explain it exactly, but it makes sense in my mind.

Anyway... this week is way less stressful than this week at this time last year was.

:) I apologize that this blog is not more interesting.

Of course, that assumes that every once in a while, there is an interesting blog.

Saturday, July 08, 2006


That's how I'm feeling today. Not thoughtless as in failing to think about the needs of others, but thoughtless in the sense of having no thoughts.

Plus my arms and hands are tired from a foray into helping build the deck behind our house. I am just not mechanically inclined.

Well, maybe I will have something to write later.