Assume Positive Intent

It makes life simpler when we categorize everything and everyone and put them in boxes, right? If someone cuts you off in traffic, you can assume they are a bad driver, probably an inconsiderate person and, oh yeah, because of all those things they probably hate puppies, too. The guy in front of you in line at the self check-out station at the grocery store who is taking forever must obviously be stupid.

It was a while back that I heard someone say that "we judge the intentions of others by their actions, but we judge our own actions by our intent." When I am the one taking longer at the self check-out, it's because the machine won't scan fast enough - I'm trying to go quickly. If I ever accidentally cut someone off in traffic it's because I was trying to get around another inconsiderate driver.

This tendency can cause huge problems in community. It's one thing to be frustrated with a random person at a grocery store and an even bigger problem when we start to put labels on people with whom we need to be in community. A line from the Associate Dean during our orientation stuck with me and has been festering over the last few weeks: "Assume positive intent."

We all come to situations with our own experiences and often baggage. If I'm having a bad day, and someone says something, and I take it in the wrong way, it's very easy to fall into the trap of assuming they meant it in a negative way. Once you take it that way, you assume that person is generally mean or does not like you very much. (You become "in the box" toward them.) And once you view them that way, every action that you observe of them only reinforces your opinion.

This is a very dangerous line of thinking. For starters, while I may have a bad day and snap at someone, this does not mean that I am ALWAYS snappy. We need to be careful about the labels we apply to others (and to ourselves, for that matter!). We like to think in terms of absolutes, but people never fall into absolute categories. More importantly, doing this can destroy community. It can lead to gossip and slander and can also destroy the opportunities that we could have from being open to everyone and their input into our lives.

So the challenge I am giving myself for the rest of this week (and beyond) is to give everyone a blank slate every time I meet them, and to assume positive intent.

Community and Life in the Ivy Commune

When I originally turned on my computer to blog, the plan was to talk about prioritization and my insanely busy schedule. As I sat down to write, however, there was a knock on my door. It was one of the guys who lives downstairs returning a dish from our BBQ yesterday. Him and I discussed one of the cases for tomorrow, he left to go back to his suite, and I returned to my computer.

Not five minutes later, there was another knock on the door. One of my friends had gotten my text about having her jacket at my place and was swinging by to pick it up on her way home from learning team. Her and I chatted for what was probably way too long before parting ways to go back to finishing prep for tomorrow's cases and the upcoming briefings.

The closest I've come to community before living here was when I shared a house with a friend living in the basement suite. We would watch movies together, cook Easter dinner together, and borrow food as necessary. I have to admit that living in Ivy Gardens and experiencing community here is actually a great experience. For a long time, the notion of borrowing a cup of sugar was old and outdated to me. But in the last few weeks, I've gone downstairs to borrow wine glasses and corkscrews. And, although reciprocity is never a condition of being neighbourly, I've picked up the slack as well, throwing a shirt in with my laundry, giving someone without a car a ride to the grocery store or the mall and contributing food to a Sunday BBQ.

If I'm having a lousy day, I know there are people close by who will give me a hug if I need it. If I need to borrow a textbook, a set of wine glasses, or anything, I know that someone in Ivy will have it. When I'm walking home from class, there's usually someone to walk with me.

Anyway, I will talk about prioritization later, as I attempt to define exactly what makes Darden the most rigourous first year MBA program.