Back in the 'Ville

After over four weeks of being gone from Charlottesville, I arrived back on Sunday night, relieved to discover that my car still starts and my apartment was not broken into.

Travelling from C'ville to Toronto to Edmonton to New York and then back to C'ville seemed to be a showcase of all the different aspects of my life. As I travelled from place to place, I found different facets of who I am resonating with the people and my surroundings.

Through all this time, and given travel time to think and ponder between places, I came to two conclusions. First, that there is no place in the world where every part of who I am connects with other people. There are always aspects of my personality that connect really strongly, and others that don't quite match. In many ways, I found myself at odds with Edmonton before I left, because I found myself different in significant ways. (Namely that I was not married with children, nor about to have children.) But being back, and hanging out with my married friends, I found it fun to be able to dive into competitive strategy board games (Settlers of Catan, Agricola, etc.) and have fun on that level. On top of that, my friends there have known me for 5, 10 years, some even longer, and there's something comforting about being with people who know you.

Heading to New York, I got back in touch with friends from school, who are in a much closer place in life to where I am. But we have differences, too. Differences of faith, background, ways of seeing the world. So while in the career aspect, who I am resonates much more closely to these friends, in other aspects I am different.

But the realization that I came to through all of this, which any kindergarten teacher will tell you, is that we are all unique. It would be impossible to find someone exactly like me. Thus, it makes sense that I connect with a broad range of people and can't find anyone at exactly the same place in life that I am at.

And the second realization is that getting to know these people, being in their world and connecting with their friends will open you up, stretch your comfort zone and help you grow as a person. One of my many favourite moments of the trip was visiting with my friend's friends in their NYC apartment and seeing NYC from a resident's perspective.

*sigh*

My head is a jumble of thoughts tonight. Exams finished almost a week ago and life has been a whirlwind since then. Parties, getting ready for parties, shopping, work and, oh yeah, a day for just being sick. But now I get to breathe.

But when I sit down to breathe, I realize that a whole week of my life has just slipped by. A week that for months I was looking forward to because it was supposed to mean I was doing nothing and simply enjoying Christmas.

But now I'm not so sure that Christmas can be simply enjoyed. My friend and I were discussing this the other night, as we wondered where the magic had gone. When I was younger, Christmas was the time of Christmas musicals (which I LOVED), evening visits with the family around the advent wreath, singing and dancing to Amy Grant's "A Christmas Album" with my sisters and putting ornaments on the tree. And I LOVED the lights - the candles and the Christmas tree lights gave me a feeling like euphoria that I can't even describe. I used to sit in the room with all the main lights off and the candles and tree lights on and wish that Christmas could last forever. We have a nativity scene with 24 characters and bring one out each day in December. My sisters and I used to fight and fight over who got to choose that day's character, then we would play with them for hours. But now we barely remember to take them out.

And I don't know where it went - that magic that used to be Christmas. I don't know if I can blame exams. And I definitely can't blame the busy-ness of Christmas parties, because those are designed to invoke the magic. And it definitely isn't the lack of decoration and cheesy Christmas music in the malls. Nothing else has changed - only me.

Is it age? Now that I'm 24, a year is a 24th of my life. When I was 5, it was a fifth of my life. So Christmas came much less frequently. Maybe now we just get sick of it because it's Christmas so often? Christmas starts in November - as soon as the Halloween decorations are down. That's 1/6 of the year. Maybe Christmas just becomes much less precious.

By now you probably think I am going to make a point soon, but I really don't have one. The truth is that emotions shouldn't rule Christmas. The truth is that Christmas is a celebration of God's greatest gift to mankind: Himself. And it shouldn't matter how I FEEL about that... I still need to respond with worship and reverence. Perhaps I am being selfish in trying to rekindle the old FEELING of Christmas, because it shouldn't be about what I get from it.

And so, this post will end. Without anything significant or profound being said. Just a confused and tired 24-year-old girl trying to figure out life once again.

No matter how I feel, God, thank you for the sacrifice you made.

Done like Dinner

Finals are done.

I'm still in shock. I raced through this morning's multiple choice final and handed it in and then I was done.

So, I'm done now.

Unfortunately, I've got tonsilitis, so that's not fun, but I'm taking lots of Tylenol and keeping it in check. I'm less in pain and more just tired and out of it. And I now have to go clean the house and shovel the snow off the skating rink because I've got 50 people coming over for a Christmas party tonight.

But, I'm done.

Merry Christmas!