Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Joshua Harris, I blame you!

Since we live in a culture of blame, I've decided to blame my single status on none other than Joshua Harris, who started the entire anti-dating revolution.

Here's my logic:

- When I was younger, I decided not to date. I decided that it would be truly wonderful if the first guy I kissed was the guy I married.

- Although I knew deep down that I couldn't expect that the first guy I dated would be the one I married, it still put a lot of pressure on me in my choices.

- This part is going to be confusing, so bear with me. I only wanted to date someone I could marry. I don't know anyone well enough right now (or at any time in the past) to decide that I could marry them. Therefore, I could date no one.

- However, rather than being conscious of this thinking, I simply sent out "stay away!" vibes.

And now it's too late.


Anonymous said...

Hey Julie, I totally get what you're talking about. Is the fact that I've waited this long to date going to make me inept at the whole thing. Really, do I have any clue what I'm doing? I've decided just to stay open to possibilities, but its hard when I have no idea if I'm even going to stay around here. I figure the best plan...keep my eyes on Jesus, what can go wrong when you're doing whats right?

Julie said...


See, here's the thing. Girls think differently about their best friends than guys do. I've had many best male friends that I have been interested in and I've sat and listened to them as they struggle with girl after girl after girl. Guys and girls think so differently that, in my opinion, any girl who thinks that - even though the guy isn't saying anything, he's still interested, - is destined to get hurt.

SO, saying that you are "dating" helps to clarify the relationship, and reduces any ambiguity that comes from the girl inevitably reading too much into anything.

Sadly enough, guys flirt with girls they aren't interested in. (and girls do the same, to be fair) So, you're not dating, or courting, or whatever you want to call it, unless you've talked about it. And then, there's no point in saying "we're just friends" if you both know there's something there.

Um... yeah, hope that makes sense.