Wednesday, January 18, 2006

The Great Disconnect

Prior to starting this blog, I wrote an entire entry whining about how crappy I was feeling today. However, in the process, I sorted it all out and rather than making you listen to me whine, you get to rather glean pearls of wisdom from my conclusions.

In my life, there is a great deal of frustration that results from knowing more than I have been able to apply. I don't know if anyone else feels this way. There are books we read, and speakers we hear, and classes we attend that tell us how to live, and we get this picture of how we could be if we really applied all of this to our lives.

But then we look at our lives, and there are so many areas where we fall short of this standard that we have set for ourselves. And I call this "The Great Disconnect."

And in moments where I evaluate my actions and attitudes, I get so FRUSTRATED because I KNOW I was acting stupid, or doing something I knew was wrong. And I can't understand why I do things that I know are dumb.

Hehehe... I guess that's what Paul was talking about in Romans 7... "What I want to do, I do not do, but what I hate, I do."

And as I write this, the Ginny Owens' song "Own Me" comes on my iPod.

"Got a stack of books so I could learn how to live,
Many are left half read covered by the cobwebs on my shelf.
And I've got a list of laws growing longer every day,
If I keep plugging away, maybe one day I'll perfect myself.
Oh, but all of my labour seems to be in vain,
And all of my laws just cause me more pain.
So I fall before You in all of my shame,
Ready and willing to be changed.

Own me, take all that I am.
Heal me with the blood of the lamb.
Mold me by your gracious hand.
Break me til I'm only yours.
Own me."

What a God I follow... that He can even control the random function on my iPod. (So why can't he get me into the right Accounting class?)

Lasting change does not happen all at once. When I get frustrated, I need to submit myself to God's leadership and control and let Him chisel away at the perfect me He is creating. And sometimes it will be painful, other times it will seem too slow, and yet other times it will seem too fast. But I just need to trust Him, because I can be "confident of this, that He who began a good work in [me] will be faithful to carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Philippians 1:6... Paul again)

And when I can't figure out where He's leading me, or what my future is supposed to look like, I guess I just need to trust Him with that as well.

Wow... I really am feeling better now. Blogging is my new favourite venting outlet. (Which is too bad, because walking burns more calories.)

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