Stressing

With just 22 days of work left, my departure date from Edmonton is getting closer, and I am starting to stress out a little! Yes, details are falling into place. Just this week I have set up the final of my American bank accounts so I can easily transfer money from my Canadian account to an American one that will let me use debit (if that's what they call it down there) and write cheques and stuff. (No, I will never spell it "checks." Checking is what you do when you put your bag into the airline's hands for a flight.)

Anyway, the reality of the big move is starting to set in. Don't get me wrong, I couldn't be more excited about this adventure. But then there's the part of me that enjoys being close to family (just this evening, my sister and I went on a nice bike ride) and will definitely miss my friends. Other than people that I've met online and exchanged emails and Twitter feeds with, I know no one. There is not one single person that will be in Charlottesville that I have met in person. (Oh, except the couple my mom and I had dinner with on the train back in October... note to self: email them!) Everyone that I've met in the process has been amazing, though, and I know that shortly after arriving, I will feel like I am in good company.

It's probably rational to feel this way. This next step of my life is a big step that's going to change everything. I've been planning it for a really long time... Since October 2007, really, when I drove down to Calgary for an HBS info session. And I've been waiting for it for a while... Last July, I decided that even if I didn't get into any schools, I was going to find a job somewhere other than Edmonton. But now everything's coming quickly, and it feels like I spent too much time hoping time would pass quickly and not enough enjoying the blessings at my fingertips.

Well, 6 and a half weeks until the big move. I'm really excited, but feel as though I have a lot of stuff to do and people to see in the meantime.

EDIT: I should add that I am not discounting the people I've met through various social networking sites! I'm very excited about meeting all of them; they've been amazing. ALSO...

Another source of stress is that I've decided to sell my Civic and buy my parents' Acura since it's a bit bigger, and able to transport more stuff down to C'ville with me. And here's a shameless plug... If you live in Edmonton, you should buy my Civic, because it's totally awesome.

Playing With Macro

My sister loves taking pictures with the macro setting on her camera. Since we have the same camera, I've been trying to figure out how to do the same. We celebrated Father's Day early and had a picnic. Since my sister is living in Germany, she wasn't there, so we figured we'd take some macro pictures in her honour.

This picture was taken as a joke, obviously, but it's kind of grown on me.

Someone suggested this picture because it isn't obvious what it is, and it's also grown on me.

Raspberries are the most delicious food on the planet. I really like how this one turned out.

And finally, some lilacs.

Time to Relax

It doesn't take much reading of this blog to realize that I'm quite excited about the next step in this crazy journey that is my life.

In just over 7 weeks, I'll be packing all my posessions into my little Civic and driving down to Charlottesville, Virginia. But sitting on the patio at Earl's today with some good friends from undergrad, I realized that 7 weeks is not going to be nearly enough time to relax and spend time with the people I love here in Edmonton.

So, as someone who is intensely goal-driven, I'm setting a new goal: knock everything off my Darden to-do list by the end of June. July is going to be a busy month. Friends and family are coming home from abroad. I'm heading to Iowa for a wedding. And, oh yeah, I'm still working through to the middle of July. Only 5 weeks left...

Information Overload?

Sometimes I wonder if we cram too much stuff into our heads. Two of the books I have read lately (The Black Swan and The 4-Hour Work Week) have suggested eliminating news from our daily intake. After reading these, it's gotten me to thinking.

Every morning, I set my alarm for 6:21. This allows me to hit snooze and wake up just in time for the 6:30 news broadcast on the radio. I blare the radio again at 7:30 as I am getting ready, just so I can catch the news. Then, I will often go into the office a few minutes late because I am sitting in my car listening to the 8:00 news.

Once I get my computer turned on, Google willingly hands me everything I need to know. I am supposed to keep up with no less than 6 publications (The Economist, The Financial Times, BusinessWeek, The Wall Street Journal, Fortune and Forbes) for an economics class in first semester. Rather than trying to read each of them, I've put the feeds into my Google RSS Feed Reader. This, along with a more general news stream, and such great blogs as Freakonomics keep me informed of everything I need to know. And if I'm feeling an information defecit, I need only log on to Twitter to see what people are discussing. If I don't know what they are referencing, good old Google is there at my fingertips to tell me what I need to know.

Sigh.

It's a lot of information to take in. And yet, I'm addicted to it. Part of it is the desire to be able to discuss situations intelligently with others. (I remember Blagojevich coming up when I was at Darden for my interview. Since this wasn't front page news in Canada, I was so grateful it had been discussed in the Freakonomics blog so I knew what my fellow interviewees were talking about!) Part of it is wanting to synthesize what is going on in the world so I can see what direction the economy is headed. (Which is exactly why Taleb discourages reading the news in The Black Swan) And part of it, I must admit, is my ADD. Sit and concentrate on creating a report for an hour? No way... like shiny objects, the news headlines grab my attention as they scroll past on my reader.

I'm contemplating a mini news fast. Just a day of not listening for it, not watching it go by on my feed reader, and not googling every phrase that I don't understand. I am deeply passionate about knowledge, but I think that I need to start controlling how I synthesize it before I go crazy!

Why I Love Darden: The Prologue

A few things over the past few days have completed affirmed my decision to head off to Darden in August. This post may be premature, but I think this reflection can still be good.

A few weeks ago, there was a discussion in the Darden Class of 2011 Facebook group regarding the best option for cell phone plans. I posted a question about whether anyone had information regarding calling plans/text messages to Canada. A week ago, one of the current students who is from Canada posted his advice about calling plans. Since I had a few other Canada-specific questions (i.e. do I need to register my car in Virginia?), I sent him a message asking if I could ask him some questions. My intent was to just send one or two questions and he could write back some quick answers.

Of course he was willing to answer my questions. But he didn't need for me to email them, he just offered to call me. So last night he called, and being wary of his time, I tried to make my questions quick, and focussed on questions about being a Canadian at Darden. Instead, he kept asking if I had any more questions, and we had a good conversation about all things Darden. He even offered to go to Best Buy with me to get a cell phone, since they took a long time to figure it out when he went last year!

And, as great as this is, it's not even remotely an anomaly. I have found absolutely every Darden student I've come in contact with to be absolutely generous with their time. And, oh yeah, they are all incredibly friendly people. There are a number of current / recently graduated / future Darden students on Twitter, and if I have a question, I just post it in my status, and it gets answered very quickly. Ditto that for the Facebook group, and even student blogs.

The Darden Dean, Bob Bruner, is also on Twitter. He posts his blog updates to Twitter, and every time I read them, I get excited about going to a school that is genuinely focused on ethics and integrity. This latest outbreak of excitement is based on a blog posting that was reposted on Forbes.

Anyway... I have already been trying to pay this abundance of assistance forward as future applicants have been messaging me for advice on the application process in general. Hopefully I can get more involved in helping future students next year. Maybe I'll volunteer as a student host, or join the admissions committee or something. I already feel compelled to give back!

Black Swan - First Thoughts

The Black Swan by Nassim Nicholas Taleb has been on my reading list, and actually my book shelf, for quite some time. After reading an article a few days ago in the Wall Street Journal about how Taleb's hedge fund is betting on hyperinflation, I decided it would be the next book I read.*

The Black Swan explores "the impact of the highly improbable." Taleb argues that history and the significant events that have shaped our world have been black swans. No one could see that they were going to happen (except in hindsight) and they had a huge impact.

Thus far, I have only read the intro, but it brings up some interesting points and already I am finding takeaways. One suggestion made in the intro is that we should be less focused on trying to predict what will happen and more focused on trying to figure out how to react to what happens.

I have had some exposure to this line of thinking with business continuity planning. We've considered what effect certain "shocks" would have on our business. (i.e. loss of access to building, failed IT systems, etc.) Then we've come up with a plan to counter these effects. (Finding suppliers to rent equipment from until we can replace it, having an IT server stored offsite, etc.) Though at one point, I brainstormed possible shocks (fire, theft, flooding, snowed in), the more important thing was considering which operations would be affected by shocks.

This kind of thinking surfaced in a conversation that I had with someone a few months ago. (Warning: the following idea is only half-baked and may be offensive. Please try to consider the big picture of what I am saying!) He said that we have been putting so much energy into trying to stop global warming when there is still a good possibility that global warming is naturally caused (i.e. recurring cycle in the earth's atmosphere). While I absolutely think that we need to focus on sustainability and minimizing our impact on the earth, I also think that we need to consider what impact a "warmer earth" will have. We seem to be hedging our bets on global warming being entirely human caused, and putting our focus on stopping our impact. BUT, this is a risky bet. What if we can maintain complete carbon neutrality, but the earth still warms? Will we be prepared to deal with that? Maybe, just maybe, we should focus on sustainability separately than we are dealing with global warming. (Of course, that said, I am not a scientist. But I could organize and manage some scientists to look at dealing with global warming.)

Anyway, I'm looking forward to getting further into this book. I have about ten more that I want to read before school starts, in addition to the one I have to read for school. Oh, I'm going to miss my free time...

*I just finished reading Three Cups of Tea for a book club I'm in, and I really enjoyed it. It's amazing to see what the tenacity and perseverance of one man can accomplish. Of course, as a side note, I also can see how my business skills can bring a world of improvement to the not-for-profit sector, but we'll see how that plays out in the next few years.

High School Reunion: The Aftermath

So as I mentioned a few days ago, my high school reunion was tonight. It was definitely not what I was expecting! For some reason, I had always imagined high school reunions to be filled with small talk at the punch bowl about where you ended up in life. In truth, I didn't get to brag to anyone about my fabulous accomplishments. I found the people I had been friends with, and through the magic of Facebook, we all had a reasonable idea of what we were up to. We picked up just where we left off ten years ago (actually, really, less than that!), sat through the program, then skipped the "after-party" for our own party at a nearby restaurant.

It's really fun being ten years older and still sharing all the memories. We are all in the professional stages of our lives - finished undergrad and working in professional jobs and/or pursuing graduate studies. None of us imagined we would be where we are when we left high school, but we're all satisfied with the direction life has gone. In some ways, it felt like we were the same and yet so very different. We've maintained our personalities, but have ten years more of life experience and maturity. (Though it seems that 10 years didn't help the maturity level of some of our classmates... though alcohol may have played a role in some of that behaviour. ;-) )

It will be interesting to see where we are in another 15 years.

What I'll Miss About Edmonton

Several of my fellow classmates-to-be at Darden have done blog posts on what they will miss from where they live now. As I am currently attempting to settle into my temporary home (difficult since it is occupied by the stuff that belongs to my sister living in Germany), and starting to realize just how quickly the weeks are zipping by, it seems like an appropriate time to reflect. I also think it is important since I am really excited about the next chapter of my life, but I also need to make sure that I am fully here for the next 8 weeks and 2 days.

• Let's get the obvious out of the way: free time and a pay cheque. Full-time study at the most intense first year MBA program doesn't really create either of those in abundance. I am most going to miss having a whole free evening that I can get in a run, catch up on email, watch my favourite TV show, read a book AND talk to good friends on the phone.
• Snow at Christmas: I love the snow in December, and while C'ville DOES get snow, it doesn't generally stick around long. (Disclaimer: I will not miss snow on the May long weekend.)
• Not just friends, but friends with whom I have a long history. I love that my friends know me and all my quirks, which buttons to push (and not push!), and even the fact that I always bring a shrimp ring whenever bringing an appetizer is required. There's something so comforting about being with people who already know the gist of you. You can just hang out and be yourself. That said, I'm wondering which parts of me to "re-invent". You know... maybe I'll be the girl who always brings carrot sticks to parties next year. I will also miss my friends individually, each for different reasons, which I could probably write several blogs about, but I won't. Just know that I am very thankful for Skype, and for the promises you've made to come visit!
• Family. I've got one sister who loves to travel and live exciting places, so we've got long-distance sisterhood down. The rest of my family has always been nearby, and I'll miss seeing them regularly. Family is something you always take for granted, but realize how important when you are far away. I'll miss the good laughs, board games and just general support.
• Knowing my way around the city. I've been driving in Edmonton for nearly 12 years, and I pretty much know where everything is, what the best way is to get there and when to be in which lane.
• River Valley... Edmonton has a gorgeous river valley! I don't think C'ville has a river at all.
• My church. It has the BEST music that I've ever experienced at a church, and I'm keeping my expectations for church music in C'ville relatively low.

Okay, so I could try and write down more Edmonton-specific things, but the truth is that what has made Edmonton special over the years has been people more than places or perks. The Edmonton things I will probably discover more as I live in C'ville. (Though I could add anything "big city" to the list: nice movie theatres, abundance of shopping, etc.)

High School Reunion

This Saturday is my ten-year high school reunion.

It's hard to believe that high school was ten years ago. I know that a lot of people found high school to be a difficult time, but I was not one of those people. For me, junior high was abolutely horrible, and high school was like this oasis of awesomeness, fun and good relationships. It's weird to think that I'll be seeing old classmates, and I think all of them that knew me will be surprised at where I've ended up.

17-year-old me would definitely be surprised at what 27-year-old me is like. First of all, 17-me would not be able to handle knowing that 27-me is not only single, but plans to remain that way. 17-me was planning on getting married at 24. 17-me would also find it really surprising that not only did I end up in business, but that I am pursuing my MBA... in Virginia of all places! 17-me knew only that I was going to Bible College for a year. Any plans beyond that were more centered around building a family and having kids before 30. It's funny what girls come up with when we haven't really identified our skills and passions. :-)

17-me was a lot more zealous. I'm still passionate about my faith, but I live it in a much less in-your-face fashion. I am ashamed to admit that 17-me even had an altercation with my CALM (Career and Life Management) teacher about how a certain movie was inappropriate. 27-me would be completely embarassed to be with someone who did that, much less BE that person.

And now that we've turned that corner... I do appreciate that 17-me was so hardcore and legalistic (at times) about her faith. While it would be a shame to still be like that, I definitely appreciated that while 17-me wasn't perfect, she never turned down the drugs/alcohol path. I learned to drink alcohol in a much more responsible manner when I was of legal age. I haven't had to worry about alcoholism or nicotine addiction. (Of course, not that everyone who experiments with these things in high school goes down that path; most don't. BUT, it wasn't an issue at all for me.) There are also other good choices that 17-me made in high school that 27-me really appreciates.

One of these is learning to serve. I had a youth pastor in high school who dragged us off to Mexico to build houses and to the inner city to visit homeless men and off to camp to play with kids living in poverty and broken homes. 17-me was quick to get involved in everything, and those values have been deeply instilled in 27-me. In fact, 17-me would have been surprised to discover that 27-me found that a career in business could still satisfy that need to change the world... and to maybe do so more effectively than without it.

Anyway... I am interested to see how Saturday turns out. I've never been to a reunion, and I have no idea who will be there, though I am anxiously hounding my friends on Facebook to come.

Today I am Thankful For...

Family... Specifically:

• Yesterday I moved from my cute little house in the river valley back to my parents' house in the suburbs. It is a huge blessing that my parents are letting me crash at their place for two months so I can save up some extra money for moving expenses.
• In the process of moving, my independent self had determined that I could do it all on my own, with the exception of my bed and my couch. To move those items, I would need to borrow my Dad's truck and would also need his help to get them out of my house and into the truck. Well, not only was he more than happy to help with that, he also loaded everything else into his truck, came back for a second load, took my designated charity boxes to Goodwill, and then came back for a third load when I realized that the remainder of my stuff would not fit in my car like I originally planned.
• After coming to my new home, tired and worn out from the packing, moving and cleaning of the old home, supper was ready on the table! Now, lest you think I'm spoiled (though, let's be serious, I might be), my mom will not be cooking me supper every night. Instead, the cooking of supper in my family's home is generally a team project, with everyone contributing different parts of the cooking depending on when they get home. At least that's how I remember it...
• And on the same vein of moving... While I miss the mature trees and backyard of my old place (my parents haven't laid the sod in their new house), I am thankful for the beautiful view of the slough outside my parents' backyard. I think Edmonton has done a great job of creating nice green spaces in the suburbs.

Stuff

Every time I move, I attempt to purge the huge accumulation of stuff that I feel the need to lug around. As I am currently packing for my third move in 2 years, I thought by now the purging would have finally been complete. And before I started, I wondered how I could have possibly made it through two moves WITHOUT purging anything of value.

But then it comes time to actually throw away stuff. Back in the day, there was no Victoria's Secret in Canada, so I stocked up on lotions every time I was in the US. Lotions that I never use. But then it came time to throwing out a bottle of lotion nearly 3/4 full and it was hard.

Then I got to a box full of stuffed animals. Let's be serious... what girl in her late 20s needs a box of stuffed animals? So I started putting them with the other stuff going to Goodwill. And then I pulled out Daphne, my old, worn Cabbage Patch doll with the partially braided long hair. Well, she's not in nearly good enough condition to donate to charity, but I can't possibly throw her away. I've decided that I need just one box of those extra sentimental childhood memories. When I have a more permanent home, those dolls can come with me and my nieces can play with them. (Note: I have no nieces yet... probably won't until well after I'm established more permanently...)

Anyway, I now see why I have such a large accumulation of stuff. On the plus side, I have packed less than I have thrown away or designated to charity, so I'm making progress. My mom told me I couldn't bring home more than what will fit in my car, so I guess I'd better be ruthless!

Stop and Smell the Lilacs

Running is my new stress-reliever. I got home from work today feeling wound up, and recognizing this in myself, I knew I needed to just run it off and process my day. It worked...

If you're not from Edmonton, this may sound odd, but today was the first day I've gone running and seen the trees full of leaves. I've been watching them bud for a few weeks now, and waiting anxiously for this beautiful day. And it was a beautiful day, as I set off for my run. Not only were the streets much more green, but the scent of lilacs also filled the air.

As I ran, I processed what's really on my mind. I feel as though I am in the midst of this immense struggle to really be present. I have 37 days of work left... That translates into 296 hours and 17,760 minutes. Being at work right now is a huge opportunity to build up my resume before I head off to school. But my head is way in the clouds, daydreaming about the upcoming move to Virginia. I'm getting everything done, but that drive that I need to really finish with finesse is just not there.

I'm sure that most of you can agree with me that there is nothing wrong with being excited about Virginia. But today is a gift that we have, that we only get once. The events of each day are so important. To "waste" time is a grand indiscretion. Plus, and I don't say this to sound ominous, we never know whether tomorrow will come. But we do have today.

Like my last post, I wish I had more answers than questions. This is something that I'm still trying to figure out, and would love to solve by the time my alarm goes off tomorrow morning.

The buds on the trees, though I couldn't see it, were spending their time very deliberately. There was a seasoning and a development process that was required before they could be exposed as the rich, green leaves they are today. Had they "checked out" (analogy is weak, but, you know... tried to rush the process, gave up taking in the nutrition from the tree, etc.) because they were just too anxious about being leaves, the end product would not have been quite as spectacular.

The title of this blog posting is "Stop and Smell the Lilacs," but I have a confession. I only slowed down to take in a whiff. Alas, patience is a virtue that is still in the bud stage for me.

Finding the Contentment/Striving Balance

Sometimes I feel as though my life is the dichotomy of two desires. On one end, there is the need to be content, just as I am. On the polar opposite, there is the desire to be constantly struggling for growth and improvement.

These are both important, but sometimes I wonder where the balance is. Part of me thinks it is only possible to truly grow and stretch when we are secure in who we are and content at where we are in life.

This was something running through my mind as I was jogging the other morning. It was less than 2 months ago that I started, and at that point, I was doing about 4km and alternating between walking and running. Now, I can run a full 7 km without taking walking breaks. But now it feels inadequate when I only do 5 km. So it got me thinking... where is the balance between being happy with what we've accomplished and striving for more improvement and more growth? I'm a natural driven person, so I feel as though I'm always aiming for more. Sometimes I don't really know how long to enjoy that plateau before I start striving for the next step.

Now, I hope that you didn't read the title of my blog and start reading because you thought I had answers. Instead, I have only questions. The only thing that I can really come up with is that I think that balance and the dichotomy of desires is important. Contentment keeps us from going crazy, and the need for striving and growth is what really makes life worth living.

Fear Insignificance, Not Failure

The secret to success is learning to fear insignificance more than failure.

It's been said that the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. In "The 4-Hour Work Week" by Tim Ferriss, he suggests that the opposite of happiness is not sadness, but boredom. And now I'm learning that the opposite of success is not failure, but insignificance.

Failure is a remarkably splendid thing. We learn more from failure than from success. I remember the last time I lost a game of "Settlers of Catan." I was poised to win, completely dominating the game right from the outset. But I made a fatal flaw, my opponents exploited it, and I spent the last half of the game completely frustrated while everyone else caught up and someone else won. I learned a lot from that loss, though. I learned lessons that I can use in future games, as well as in actual business strategy. (Yes, I'm that competitive/nerdy) Ironically, I had won the game before, but I don't remember learning anything from that.

Although my competitive streak would suggest I think otherwise, my significance in life is not defined by how many board games I win. However, this is still an important example. When things don't turn out how we expect, it gives us an opportunity to examine what went wrong to change for next time. It forces us to look inside and examine our assumptions. Failure provides the impetus for change.

Anyone who has achieved anything of significance has experienced failure. If we give up when it gets rough or we experience setbacks, we're going to find that life becomes monotonous and repetitive. Success is dependent on stepping out, taking risks and embracing the failures for they are worth. Experiencing failure does not make us failures, unless we choose to stop after failing.

For a heartwearming end to this blog post, check out this inspirational Milk commercial. Also, John Maxwell brings a much more seasoned and in-depth look at failure in his book, "Failing Forward."

Scent-Induced Memories

This morning, before going for a run, I put on sunscreen for the first time this season. (Despite being blonde and fair-skinned, I don't wear sunscreen anywhere near the frequency that I should.) As I squeezed the sunscreen into my hand, the smell aroused some powerful memories. Immediately I was transported to my suite in Cuba, a fun day at Sylvan Lake, my summer camp counselling days and sitting by the pool in Phoenix working on my leadership presentation over Reading Week.

It's amazing how our memory filter works. I love that when looking back on life, it's the good memories that stick. Every adventure has its ups and downs. But looking back in time, it's only the ups that we really remember. We might, if prompted, remember the challenges, but the weight of those challenges, however insurmountable they have have seemed at the time, is diminished by the fun memories and victories we achieved. I suppose the lesson in that is to endure the challenges and the hard times if they lead to good things. It's so cliche to say that "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger," but I think it's even more important to realize that anything good is going to come with challenges, and if the "good thing" is worthwhile, putting up with the challenges is, too.

This was crossing my mind as I thought about my upcoming road trip with my sisters. We've been on a few road trips together. Since our family drove for almost all our family vacations, the three of us are well-conditioned to travelling together. I know that in our travels, we have absolutely fought and argued and gotten mad at each other. But I don't remember any of those specific incidents. What sticks in my mind is the fun adventures that we've had, being silly together ("I noticed you're not wearing any galoshes"), talking about whatever meaningful conversation comes up, playing stupid car games, pulling over to the side of the road to take completely random pictures and doing "chinese fire drills"* to switch drivers when one of us would get tired.

Well, this post has really migrated away from what I originally intended it to be. All this to say I'm so excited about driving down to C'ville with my sisters in August!

*Chinese Fire Drills: When the light turns red, everyone gets out of the car, runs around it, and hops back in. In this case, we changed seats when hopping back in.
As a further note, the irony of the term struck me as I wrote it. I recently came across the term "Canadian Tuxedo" and had the most perplexing time trying to figure out why a wardrobe combination of all denim would be somehow associated with Canadians. While I still don't have an answer, I wonder if any Chinese people will read my blog and wonder why running around the car and calling it a "fire drill" is associated with the Chinese. Sorry... I don't know!

Coming Together...

Some "exciting" developments this week. I have most of my visa papers together. My I-20 came through courier on Tuesday, and I paid the SEVIS fee today, so I just have to wait for one more form to come in the mail and I'll be set on that front. I can't tell you how much of a relief it is to not have to go through an interview!

For moving, I have secured a bed, desk and bookshelf, which was really the extent of the furniture I planned to buy, since my roommate will be moving most of hers and that will make for a fully furnished apartment. I got it from a graduated Darden student, so it was all used (read "cheap" :-) ) and will be available pretty much when I arrive.

The most exciting news of the week is that both my sisters have confirmed their vacation time and are going to be making the drive down to C'ville with me! They booked their plane tickets home today.

And the least progress this week has been on packing. In just over a week, I will move in to my parents' house to save some extra money for moving and wardrobe updating (this running is taking it's toll on my wardrobe... my clothes are all getting too big!). To date, I have packed half a box of my grandmother's china. So that will likely occupy my spare time over the next week.

Darden finally released the pre-enrollment modules, and planning on being able to just zip right through them, I was stopped dead in my tracks on the first question of the Excel module. See, I'm kind of an Excel ninja (a term coined by my former "BUS 201" prof). I can do a lot of really awesome fancy stuff. However, I'm still operating in old Excel 2003, and next year I will be using 2007. SO, I will have to spend some time with 2007 before I can take the module. Since that will require downloading the trial version with little enough time that I can buy a copy from the school before it expires, the pre-enrollment modules will just have to wait until after I move.

Anyway... did not intend to make this so long! This evening totally got away from me. After watching what ended up being a 2-hour season finale of Ugly Betty (show I am most ashamed of watching...), a 40 minute phone call to our "beloved" Internet provider who had shut off our service in the transition to my roommate's name, a quick run before the sun set, and finally the toilet plugging up, I barely finished what I really wanted to accomplish. And the messages waiting in my various inboxes will just have to go unanswered another evening...

Choose Happiness

Lately, I've gotten caught in the trap of thinking that joy and happiness are something that are supposed to be bestowed on me by some sort of external force, blessing or circumstance. This is something I've blogged about before, so if you want all the reasoning for why happiness is internally generated, you can read that. (And, if you don't believe me, check out this Freakonomics blog or this Cracked article.) Today what is really on my mind is what DOES make us happy.

There are many studies out there, I am sure, which go into the specifics of how to raise kids happy, whether happiness is genetic, whether religious people or political people or whatever are more happy. But, since I am fairly fixed in all of the above factors, those studies have little bearing on my disposition.

Instead, I have discovered that happiness and positivity are a choice. It comes down to what we choose to tell ourselves about our circumstances and how we look at things.

Here's a confession: I get road rage. I don't know if it's my competitive side, or just leftover anger issues from when I was a child (I threw tantrums and stuff... those aren't really acceptable anymore, so I just take it out when I drive, maybe?), but I definitely road rage. (For anyone who doesn't know me... I'm really not an angry person. In fact, anyone who knows me doesn't believe I road rage until they witness it firsthand.)

Anyway, there is pretty much one freeway that connects my house to the rest of my life (work, parents' house, friends' houses, etc.), there are no side streets I can take to avoid it, and it's under construction. Construction which makes the drive home from work mind-numbingly slow. Any number of factors can set me off on the drive home, and I often arrive home completely stressed out from the drive.

However, seeing that this was a growing trend, I decided to see what happened if I just chose to look at the situation differently. "Okay, Julie, there's nothing you can do to make this traffic move any faster. You are not in a rush, and there is no benefit to arriving home even 5 minutes earlier." As patronizing as I may be to myself, it actually works. Nothing external changed, but the way I saw the situation changed.

Our circumstances really have little bearing on our disposition. We can blame them for our disposition, and many people will probably understand. But ultimately, we are the ones who need to choose how we see life and how we frame our circumstances.

Going into this week, I choose positivity. I choose to stop stressing over the construction on the Whitemud. I choose to appreciate that the snow tomorrow morning will save me from watering my lawn. And I hope that by making these small choices, it will become a habit to choose positivity in the big things as well.

Blog With an Identity Crisis

Though I haven't started writing, I have a feeling this might get long. You may want to grab a cup of tea before you start reading... I know I just did.

As I mentioned in my previous blog posting, this recent surge of blogging activity has been due to inspiration from the Darden Student Bloggers. After spending time over the last few days reading over their blogs, I decided that I would read another blog: my own. I went back in time to 2005 and reminisced over the trials, lessons, joys and pains of the last four years.

It was quite interesting to get reacquainted with myself. It was interesting to look back on my dreams and ambitions of years past and see how far I've come. I'm actually amazed, not only at how my goals and career ambitions have remained solid, but at how much progress has been made against those goals.

But I digress...

When I first started blogging, it was an outlet of exploring my life and my faith and their interactions. As I've developed more and more of a passion for things like business, social justice and corporate social responsibility (CSR), I've blogged about those things as well. And, more recently, I've put forth a practical, more newsy voice as I talk about the specifics of moving to the US to attend a top business school. (Yes, I have to keep writing that, since Darden isn't as well known here in Western Canada!)

So I'm at a point where I don't really know whether I should be blogging about deep thoughts on life, my faith, business, social justice and responsibility or my upcoming life at Darden. And, my strategic mind things that all of these belong on separate blogs, maintained by separate identities.

But I think the big challenge and joy in life is learning to merge all that we are. I should never be shy about my faith. Even though there are Christians out there who have made it embarassing at times to claim ties to this faith (and, to be fair, I am FAR from perfect or even loving or graceful), it is still something that is absolutely foundational to who I am. My faith and business cannot be separate.

At the same time, I can't separate out my passions for business, social justice and CSR. And while those things may not seem as though they fit together, they are the main motivation for pursuing an MBA. And the social justice is rooted in my faith...

And I don't want to separate out my journeys to Darden. There has been something encouraging and inspiring about reading about the student blogs, and I want a record of my own journeys. I love looking back on my own journey and seeing how things really did end up. It ties back to my faith and seeing God's hand in the ordinary, sometimes mundane, yet entirely beautiful journey of my life.

So, here it is, unapologetically: my blog with an identity crisis. If I were attempting to make revenue from this blog, I would separate it into three or four blogs to attract different audiences.

But I'm not. And the truth is that while others may eavesdrop, (and I do try to pan my perspectives out to be broader than my own circumstances) this blog is ultimately for me. Reading over the last four years of my life, I've gotten back in touch with a girl who loves to think, ponder and write, and I'd like to keep her around a little more.

Experience, Advice and Social Networking

Yes, two blogs in one day. That's what happens when I've got lots on my mind and chose to eat my lunch from home rather than going out with all my co-workers.

Anyway, I've come to appreciate the value of social networking more than I ever thought possible over the last few weeks. I've also come to learn just how valuable our experience is, simply as experience and not as expertise.

Rather than launching into a long expository, I'll just give some examples.

• The BusinessWeek website has a forum for MBA students. While in recent weeks, this site temporarily lost much of its usefulness, during the height of application season, it was very valuable to me. Not only did I meet people from all over the world, I also gleaned tons of useful information. It was good to hear other people's interview experiences and application tips.
• Being involved on the BWForum has lead to several people writing to ask me advice on various topics. A while back, I got an email asking how the Canadian economy was really doing. (This was before the commodity drop, and I'm still very satisfied with the answer I gave.) Most recently, I got an email from someone who will be applying asking for advice. While I initially thought it funny that someone would ask ME advice, I realized that I do have knowledge having gone through the admissions process myself. As someone who is never shy about giving advice, I realized that I actually had to hold myself back from writing a novel.
• Reading the blogs from the Darden Student Bloggers has been awesome. They've been through everything that I will go through in a few short months, and their insight into the process has been much appreciated. In fact, I can attribute my recent surge in blogging activity to their inspiration! Though I know that I will not be able to escape "Black November," I am starting to think hard about how to keep the main things in my life the main things next year. (Plus, who can forget that I learned about the U2 concert AND found someone to go with through one of those blogs...)
• Twitter... When I first started on Twitter, I thought it was dumb. Then I came across a blog with a link to Darden students, future students and alum and just started following them. Thinking it would be nothing more than the people I was following wondering who the random girl was, instead they started following me and even sending me messages! I've learned a lot just from following their tweets. If I have questions about prepping for student life, I just post it to my profile, and I ALWAYS get a response... usually several.
• Facebook - But of course. Though the value of Facebook has only been slightly marginal in terms of school so far, I am looking forward to being kept informed of the pre-school activities when I arrive in C'ville. I've made several "friends" so far and am getting to know my future classmates.

Anyway... Social networking is, in my opinion, one of the best features of the Internet. I could go on and on about people that I've met through these various forums, but there are just so many stories that they would get boring after a while. (That is, if they haven't already...)

And... having experience makes your information and insight valuable.

Canadians and US Student Visas

Okay... this is the part where I share my story so that if any Canadians entering the US to go to school happen to be reading this, they will avoid my stress.

With all due respect to the US, while Canadians are pretty much immersed in American culture from early in life, Americans just don't really think of Canadians at all. This isn't a dig at Americans, it's just something that makes sense when you consider the population and influence of the US vs. the population and influence of Canada.

Anyway, there is an agreement between the US and Canada called NAFTA which basically makes trade rules different between the countries than between all other international countries. For a long time, Canadians didn't even need a passport to go to the US (or Mexico, for that matter). Since 9/11 this has changed, but the change has been gradual and hasn't even been fully implemented.

This is a really long explanation for my short story. I was always under the impression that acquiring a visa required sending away your passport to get a visa stamped in it. This process, if affected by red tape, could take an unknown number of days.

My best friend is getting married in Iowa on July 24. I want to be down there a week ahead of time to help get ready and throw lots of parties for her. However, since you need a passport to fly into the US, I was under a ton of stress hoping that I would get my passport back in time.

Well... in an effort to expedite the process, I went to see how the whole interview booking process worked last night. After entering all my information, I got a message saying I didn't need a visa to enter the States.

So, I emailed the international students office at UVA (which has been quite helpful, by the way!) and got the reply this morning that I only need my I-20, not a visa in my passport.

Which is a relief... but I wonder why I stressed so much!

Spring Beauty

This morning, I had the pleasure of getting outside for a run before the weather took a nasty turn for the worse.

Spring is awesome. The trees are JUST starting to bud now and I know that any day there will be big green leaves on the branches which look bare now from a distance. The ducks and seagulls were out on the river, and it was just a beautiful morning all around. I think God woke me up this morning for my run (I hadn't set my alarm since I was up late last night) just so that I could remember that He really does love me, snow aside.

One of the things that I both love and hate about myself is that I feel a strong connection to nature. This isn't the type of nature connection that leads me to be passionate about sleeping in tents; rather, it is a draw that gives me immense peace when I catch the beauty of nature. Sometimes, I'll be having the WORST day, and I'll be walking up the path to my door, glance up, notice the clear night sky complete with Northern Lights, and remember that the same God who took the time to make all that beautiful is going to create beauty in my own life. I remember another such reminder when I was in Cuba. Though I was on vacation, we'd had a long day and I was tired and needed some alone time. I went down to walk along the deserted beach, and my timing enabled me to catch the gorgeous ocean sunset. Being alone with that view just gave me peace.

There have been so many experiences like that in my life.

This morning was a moment like that. Though there was nothing on my mind, considering the nasty weather that we have now, I feel blessed to have experienced the pleasantly crisp, but sunny, start to the day.

Already Behind

School is not slated to start for more than 3 months, but I already feel behind. There's an organization called JumpStart that provides career and networking resources for minority students. Not that I've ever really thought of myself as a minority before, but being a woman in business apparently makes me one!

Anyway, JumpStart has a program called Virtual Coach, which requires the completion of various assignments throughout the months leading up to B-school. My next assignment is due tomorrow, and I had completely forgotten about it. This would be fine except we have the wrap-up for the junior high girls mentoring program I've been volunteering with tonight. I will definitely be able to get it done, but the significant value that I get out of the Virtual Coach comes from the time I put into it. Seeing as how I am looking to make a career switch and get into consulting, which is the most competitive industry other than finance, I need to get as much value as I can! Secondly, I was supposed to get feedback from people in my network on my strengths and weaknesses. Fortunately, I tend to keep a record of these things, so I should be able to pull it off.

For now, I will blame my "behindness" on not being in the zone. These last few months were supposed to be for relaxing, but in a soft economy, no one can afford to just relax!

Happy Mother's Day!

Mothers are amazing. Having friends who are going through the childbirthing stages of life, I can really see all that mothers go through, both in the process of becoming a mother, and in all the years following. Pregnancy and childbirth don't really seem like much of a picnic, nor do sleepless nights and diaper changing. Then, as children grow up and develop personalities of their own and start making their own decisions, there are always challenges to be faced.

My own mother is amazing. When I hear other people talk about typical mothers, I can never really identify. Many people complain about how their mothers talk and nag, but my mom isn't like that at all. She's always been the "strong, silent type." She speaks when she has something relevant to say. Though there have been times when she's given me wisdom or correction in my life, I have never felt as though she nagged. Well, maybe in junior high, but that was probably more due to my own attitude than hers.

More importantly than anything, my mom has been a great example. She has had a very successful career, and yet has always been able to keep her priorities straight, staying home to work when my sisters and I were in elementary school, and making time to serve others. Her (and my father) have always made me and my sisters believe that we can do anything we want. As I head off to do my MBA at a top business school in the US, my sisters are preparing for their own successful careers. (Ironically, I will be the only daughter who doesn't get to put "Dr." in front of her name!) I have no doubt that it was the strong support and encouragement of our parents that have led us down these paths.

Anyway, I think it's great that we have a day to honour mothers. For all they do and contribute to this world, one day hardly seems enough. I suppose, Mom, since you lost at the board games today, we'll have to have a mother's day sequel and let you win. ;-)

I Love Lucy Gender Role Commentary

Today I turned on the TV, and "I Love Lucy" happened to be on. It was the episode where Lucy and Ricky switch roles. Ricky (I hope that's his name; I rarely watch the show!) does the housework and Lucy goes to work in a chocolate factory.

As I watched the show, I got kind of irritated. It's funny how much our society has evolved over the last 50 years or so and how that kind of humour would never really fly today. In the relationships between my married friends, housework and cleaning are split equally. Other than friends on maternity leave, I don't know any women who don't work.

When I was doing my undergrad, I took a course called "Perspectives" taught by, what I thought at the time, an overly feminist prof. She talked about how hard it is for women in the workplace, and I thought she was off her rocker. Since taking that class, I've been working in a very male-dominated engineering firm and I must reluctantly admit that I see where she is coming from. Before I go on, I should preface my rant by saying that I get along well with my co-workers and I really appreciate them. BUT, it can be hard sitting in the lunchroom when the guys are ogling the "Sunshine Girl". Since I long stopped caring to memorize the specs of various cars and hockey stats and have never played video games (save for my periodic Sims addiction which I shouldn't even really admit to in public ;-) ), I don't fit in when the conversation drifts in those directions. Though it hasn't been a challenge thus far in my career, since I've still been able to develop tight enough relationships that I can work well with the guys I need to work with, I can see how it would be an issue if I were staying at the company long-term and wanted to, say, fit in with a partnership team that is comprised entirely of males.

Besides the typically addressed "Old Boys Club," I have to admit that there are also biological factors that can hamper a woman's career. Other than the rare (but prominently featured on Oprah) case where a man ends up carrying a baby, the woman is the one whose body is used for 9 months to carry a child. After that time, it is the woman who must breast feed her child until that stage is over. Though there are ways to shorten this process, the reality is that for women to have children, there are career sacrifices which must be made. Men don't face this same kind of trade-off. Whereas a woman must choose between family and career (if not long-term, definitely in the short-term), a man does not have this challenge.

Anyway, I don't know what can be further done about gender equality. I just found it very interesting that the gender-role-switching was so humourous back in the I Love Lucy days.

Time, Where Did You Go?

Yes, two blog posts in one day. (See below for news on the Kindle DX)

This week has completely flown by. When I found out I had gotten into Darden at the end of January, it felt like it was going to take forever to actually get there. I started counting down the number of weeks left at work when there were about 17 left, and after tomorrow, I'm down to 10. And 7 weeks ago just didn't feel that long.

My sisters, who are going to be my road trip buddies for the drive down to C'ville, are already starting to talk about booking their flights home.

Reading the blogs and Twitter posts of current and recently graduated Darden students has made me realize that my time at Darden will fly by. In the meantime, I am still working out some of the big details of going to school. It's hard to believe that in just over a year's time, I'll be starting my internship. I have no idea what the next year holds, but I know that it will be a great adventure, and that it will go by WAY too fast.

For now, it's time to stop and smell the roses that are life in Edmonton. It's time to enjoy having my long-time friends and family close by (well, most of them...), the more relaxed schedule, and the bi-monthly paycheque. :-)

Kindle DX

One of the exciting things about moving to the US is the ability to take advantage of things that should be available in Canada, but are not. These include: hulu, iTunes TV shows (sorry iTunes Canada, but I DON'T watch Little Mosque on the Prairie) and the Kindle.

A Kindle is a device produced by Amazon that allows you to download books and read them in one handy portable device. Just recently, Amazon produced the Kindle DX which has a larger screen and better graphics display than the original Kindle.

The really exciting thing is that Darden has a partnership with Amazon to do a pilot project on using the Kindle in academics. If I am lucky enough to be part of the pilot project, this would mean no paper cases and no textbooks to haul around. Plus, it would mean I get a free Kindle to test out, which would be awesome.

Anyway, if you are a fellow incoming Dardenite (I keep calling us that, if I'm wrong, someone please correct me soon!), here is some information on the project:

Darden Announcement: http://www.darden.virginia.edu/html/news_article.aspx?id=19238
UVA Announcement: http://www.virginia.edu/uvatoday/newsRelease.php?id=8566
BusinessWeek Article: http://www.businessweek.com/bschools/blogs/mba_admissions/archives/2009/05/amazon_chooses.html
Darden Admissions Blog: http://dardenadmissions.wordpress.com/2009/05/06/amazon-selects-darden-to-participate-in-kindle-education-project/

Let It Go...

Yesterday was a very frustrating day. To make a long story short, I got stuck doing a lot of IT stuff and felt in over my head. (I'm not an IT person... I dropped out of computing science 8 years ago so I wouldn't become an IT person, but I still know too much about computers since I grew up with them in the house as my mother is a computer programmer.) And I was at work late, staring at my computer screen getting frustrated. When that happens, I just start to feel frustrated about everything...

As I stared at my computer screen, all I could think of was that I wanted to be running through the river valley. So, when I wrapped things up and gave up for the night, that's precisely what I did.

As I was running, a song called "Daisy" by the band Switchfoot came on my iPod. As I was listening to it, I felt an immense rush of peace, and wanted to share the lyrics:

Daisy, give yourself away
Lookup at the rain
The beautiful display
Of power and surrender
Giving us today
And she gives herself away

Rain, another rainy day
Comes up from the ocean
Give herself away
She comes down easy
On rich and debt the same
And she gives herself away

Let it go
Daisy, Let it go
Open up your fist
This fallen world
Doesn't hold your interest
It doesn't hold your soul
Daisy, let it go

Pain, give yourself a name
Call yourself contrition
Avarice or blame
Giving isn't easy
Neither is the rain
When she gives herself away

Daisy, why another day?
Why another sunrise
Who will take the blame
For all redemptive motion
And every rainy day
When he gives himself away
--------------------

I don't spend enough time surrendering. I get frustrated at work because I expect myself to have all the answers right away. But they take time, and often the input of someone else with a slightly different skill set to shed a new perspective. I get frustrated with life because I expect it to fall in place the way I see it, rather than trusting God's plan and His direction.

One thing that I always need to remember is to just "let it go." Nothing that happens on a daily basis is going to shatter my life. When I get wound up, it only makes things worse. If I want to release the stress, I just need to "open up [my] fists." I get so caught up thinking that it's success and accomplishments that matter in life, when really they are far down the list of what TRULY matters. It's easy to get caught up in what is tangible and easy to measure and let the things that truly matter - my faith, my family, relationships, serving others - slip.

But if I can learn to let go of this obsessive drive for success and instead learn to, as one of my good friends always tells me, "breathe and let God do the rest," I think I will have fewer frustrating days.

Travelling Dreams

As I added my bucket list to my blog this past weekend, I realized that despite having about 90% of the things on the list involving travel, I have done very little travelling in my life. I've started to wonder how, as someone who really dreams of travelling, I've managed to pass it up all these years.

There are probably a million different excuses I could lay down for not doing it, but I think when it comes down to it, I just need to make a plan and go for it. A book I read a while back ("Climbing the Corporate Ladder in High Heels" by Kathleen Archambeau) suggested that we should visit three new places every year. I think, with that in mind, that it is a good thing I am moving to Virginia. Though I hit my three places last year, I've exhausted every good road tripping location within a reasonable drive from Edmonton. Though time and money will be tight next year, I'm hoping that I can get in some good low-budget road trips. At the very least, I've got a wedding in Sioux City,Iowa and a stop in Louisville, Kentucky on the drive down to Darden this summer. I shouldn't have too much trouble getting in a third destination.

Any other suggestions on getting in European travel on a very low budget?

Change

As a junior high student, the cross-country running unit in gym was one to be dreaded, feared and suffered through. I am definitely not a runner. But lately, I've started running. And I'll tell you a secret... I really enjoy it!

My newfound appreciation for running has stemmed from a series of lifestyle changes that I am making in an attempt to develop healthy habits. And as I went for my nice, long run this afternoon, I spent a lot of time pondering what it really takes for us to make change in our lives.

A lot of times, we are impacted by big events, but the actual changes that result from these moments are lived out in our daily choices. I cannot call myself a runner now; I still have to choose to go running every time I go. There are days when I'm tired, and would really rather lie in bed and watch an episode of Chuck on DVD, but I've been finding that I'm always glad when I instead make the choice to go for a run.

Though I've only been doing it a few weeks, I'm already finding myself in better shape. My endurance is better and I can run longer and faster. My body shape is even changing. All of these are good things, but they are not because I've started running. They are all because of the cumulative effect of making many choices to go for a run instead of sitting on the couch.

Leaving

For a long time, I've been counting down the time until my big move to Virginia. Tonight was the first time that all the implications of leaving really set in.

It's ironic... Today one of the current Darden students posted a link to a YouTube video from Darden Follies entitled "Don't Make Me Leave Darden" on Twitter. (PS I am on Twitter... @missjoolz) I've had it stuck in my head ever since watching it and it feels very weird. It's gotten me to thinking about why I'm doing this whole MBA thing. I'm not a fool; I know the economy is terrible right now. The main reason for getting an MBA is to break into management consulting, and the job market is not going to make that an easy transition!

Then I went for a run this evening. As I was running through the river valley, I was thinking about what a great location I have. Everything here in Edmonton is so comfortable. I know where to find everything. I've lived here for nearly 18 years! I have a ton of connections here. As I was attempting to fall asleep tonight, I started thinking about the big good-bye party when I leave and how hard it will be to say goodbye to everyone. I pictured myself loading up my car and saying goodbye to my parents, and how much I will miss them. (I have to say that since my mom reads my blog... JUST KIDDING... I really will miss you.)

And Virginia is about as foreign as it can get for me while still being only one country away. For all the American television I've grown up around, there are still things that make Americans so very different... leaving shoes on in the house, miles and Fahrenheit, the Southern accent, different restaurant chains... and those are just the differences I can think of!

But for all the apprehensions I may be experiencing, I have no doubt it will be worth it. In the next two years, I will make lifelong friendships, develop a strong knowledge of the business world, experience a (slightly) different culture and meet people from other cultures, and network with people who also have a passion for social responsibility and bounce ideas off them so we can change the world. I don't think anyone ever shaped history by staying comfortable.

I just hope that the words from one of the choruses from "Don't Make Me Leave Darden" don't come back to haunt me in two years:

"I should have never left work; I feel like such a jerk."

Another Step...

Today I got my first US dollar chequing account set up. Not a big deal, but another step on the way to my MBA adventures in Virginia.

In other news, I'm still trying to wade through the muck of student loans and visas. Never before in my life have I wished that I had dual citizenship as much as I do now. Also, I am continually finding myself wishing that we were not in the midst of the worst recession of my life.

But what can you do? As I must continually remind myself, God is in control. If this is all supposed to work out, then it will. If it isn't, well, then no amount of stressing or worrying could change that fact. There are solutions, they are just not as ideal as I would hope.

Spring has FINALLY Sprung!

Just a week ago, I was pessimistically musing to myself, "if April showers bring May flowers, then what do April flurries bring?"

Today, the sun has finally made it's triumphant entrance and I think it's safe to say that spring is finally here. The snow has melted at an unprecedented wait, and the roads and sidewalks are finally clear to walk on again. The sun was shining today, and rather than driving to do errands, I've started walking again!

The weather seems like a trivial thing to blog about, but this past winter seemed especially dreadful. I don't know if it was metaphorically influenced, but with all the stress of MBA applications, the winter just seemed long and arduous.

Though I have no idea where I will end up in a few years, both career-wise and geographically, there is a possibility that I've suffered through my last Edmonton winter. I think that's why this spring feels especially epic.

A few years ago, I was talking to a friend about something I was struggling with. She said that the thing I was struggling with was like winter. It's hard to see the end, but you know it's coming. I remember that conversation keenly, because we had it in April, and I had just gotten a sunburn from studying outside. No matter how frustrating or seemingly endless our struggle may be, there is hope. How appropriate that this spring breakthrough happened on Easter weekend.

Anyway, for anyone reading this and living on the northern hemisphere... enjoy your spring!

What Do You Want to Be Known For?

Perhaps it was the sermon at church last night, or maybe a timely conversation with a co-worker this morning, but the above question has been ringing in my mind. As my life is currently pre-occupied with the upcoming move to Virginia to get my MBA, the question is well-warranted.

When applying for MBA programs, you have to do a significant amount of introspection. For me, this part wasn't difficult. I've wanted to go into strategy consulting for a few years, eventually becoming an expert in strategy and corporate social responsibility (CSR).

There is a part of me that fears that I'll forget about CSR, and focus only on the part that comes easy. I joke a lot about how my life will be filled with Jimmy Choos (note: for those who don't know, Jimmy Choos are insanely fabulous shoes), but the reality is that if this is the only thing I'm living for, life will be quite empty.

Life needs to be about more than a "dream" job, a Central Park-facing apartment (yes, I know, in my dreams) and a closet full of Jimmy Choos. My heart has always been for the poor and the underprivileged. It seems irrational to think that after 27 years of working or volunteering as a champion for social justice that I'll just forget it all and chase my career. But I like having these occasional reminders that life is about more than "success" in the material sense. I hope they keep on coming...

U2 in C'ville - One More Thing Off the Bucket List!

SO... I just found out that U2 is coming to Charlottesville on October 1.

When I started to plan to move down to the States, one of the big perks that I realized was that I would be able to see more concerts than I can in big ole Edmonton. When U2 announced their tour, I thought maybe, just possibly, they MIGHT make a stop in Washington DC, which is 2 hours from C'ville. Never did I dream that they would come right into Charlottesville!!!

The next challenge is getting tickets. In my haste to buy them, I think I got totally ripped off. Watch out for GoTickets.com... they are total scalpers. Tickets don't go on sale until Friday...

EDIT: Cancelled the GoTickets.com order and got them through Ticketmaster. (Yes, it's before Friday... I signed up for U2.com to take advantage of the pre-sale!)

I bought 4 tickets. I've got 2 left if anyone wants to come visit October 1...

Is Capitalism Dying?

If you know me at all, you know that I'm pro-free market and pro-capitalism. I think capitalism works precisely because people ARE naturally selfish, and capitalism is kept in check by the knowledge that providing bad products or treating people unfairly will eventually lead to lower profits.

However, two things have lately been really irking me about capitalism and making me wonder if we may be in the process of an economic paradigm shift. First, the whole financial collapse. Right there was a whole system left alone by market forces, and look what happened. Rather than using greed as a method by which to keep goods and services at optimum levels, it was used to make extreme profits at the expense of the entire financial system.

Canadian banks, which were regulated far more closely than American ones, have fared amazingly well despite the financial collapse in the US and the overall global recession. Point for regulation...

The other thing that got me thinking about the whole capitalist system was a discussion about green technology over dinner last night. Right now, a lot of green technologies are far more expensive than their non-green alternatives. At what point does higher profit trump sustainability? If using a greener technology allows a company to still make a profit, but it is not as high, what incentive is there for management, whose compensation is typically linked to short-term profits, to go green?

Maybe it's not capitalism so much as the entire stock market phenomenon. Maybe "the corporation," as owned by thousands of individuals out to earn a buck, needs to be transformed into something owned by people who have a greater interest in the company. I've heard of employee-owned organizations, and co-ops (which are customer-owned), and perhaps these models deserve a second look?

Just some thoughts...

Friends

Friendships come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. This is something that has been well on my mind over the past few weeks as I ponder my upcoming move to Virginia.

One of the biggest revelations that I'm having about friendships is that geography becomes less important the older we get. (Or, maybe the other big change that has affected this is the Internet with it's skype, email and MSN Messenger!) When I was living in Winnipeg, my friends were the people on the same street as me. We would go "call on" them after school (after piano practicing was finished!) and then we would play games until our parents called us into bed. I had few friends who lived beyond the boundaries of that block, but this never seemed to be a deficiency.

Then we moved to the suburbs in Edmonton. One of the most startling discoveries of our new suburban neighbourhood was that there was no one close to my age on the street! At this point, friends changed to those in my class or at church. Sometimes we had to bike over to their houses, or wait until the weekend so our parents could drive us.

Now one of my best friends lives in China. My sister lives in Germany. Despite the distant, these are two of the closest relationships I have. It is so encouraging to me to have these close long-distance friendships as I begin to plan my move to far, far away.

There is a saying that we have friends for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I'm so thankful that I do have some "lifetime" friends. There are also a lot of people that I know I will lose touch with, who will become a part of distant memories past. It's important to maintain these friendships while we have them. Being a friend is all about giving to someone when you are in their life. The nice thing is that you usually grow in return.

Hmmm... lots of babbling and no conclusions. Just something that's been on my mind as I consider how, relationally, to spend my last 4 months in Edmonton.

Puddles Make Me Smile :-)

As I drove home from work this afternoon, there were tons and tons of puddles! It was SO gorgeous out today, a great relief after experience -30 degree weather on Tuesday.

My shoes, which have remained mostly lonely in my closet since October, will once again appear once all this snow melts away. Skirts and capris which have long gone undonned will shortly be replacing my boring work pants!

Instead of running around my living room with the Wii remote, waving at all my Mii friends, I can actually go outside for running and walking!

Well, soon, anyway... the puddles are all a sign of the warm weather that will be here shortly.

Status Change

It's official.

The Darden Admissions office received my deposit and I got an email notification this evening that my status on the admissions website had changed. Now, instead of "Offer," it says, "Accepted Offer."

The only thing left on my pre-deposit checklist is uploading a digital photo of myself to the student portal.

Apartment!

This is probably exciting for only me, but I received confirmation of my apartment placement today. I now officially have an American address (though not a student visa yet...).

My apartment is on the side of the complex that is closer to the Darden grounds, and has two bedrooms, a den and a fireplace. I am really excited about getting the den, since I've become spoiled in my current house with having an office. Even more, it will be nice for Amy (my future roommate) and I to have separate study spaces if need be for exams. (Kitchen table/den)

In other B-school news, according to the Canada Post tracking website, they received my deposit today. I'm not sure if they confirm receiving it, but I'm kind of sad that they won't keep sending me cute little email videos attempting to convince me to come!

Deposits

In the past week, I have sent off deposits for tuition and my apartment. It's crazy that this is all starting to shape up!

My roommate and I applied for a 2-bedroom plus den at an apartment complex a close walk from campus. (Er... "grounds" as they are called at University of Virginia) I have no idea what the timeline is for finding out which apartment we get, but it's nice to have that at least taken care of.

Anyway, the checklist of things that I still need to take care of is still quite long. The process of moving internationally is quite lengthy, even though my international move is just one border away.

Be Where You Are

On Monday morning, I woke up to a cold, snowy day. It was close to -20, and my car was covered in snow. Since I didn't have the foresight to park away from the curb, I had to stand in deep snow to brush it all off.

On Tuesday, morning, well, see above. (Except I did park my car some distance from the side of the road so I could brush it off!)

Wednesday morning, when it hit the coldest point of the week, I started to dream about what it will be like to live somewhere that hovers around the "mid-40s." (Fahrenheit... I use the quotes because that still makes more sense to me than whatever the Celcius conversion would be.) At this point, I finally talked myself into considering something that I have learned a lot about over the past few years, and in my business classes: trade-offs.

Trade-offs mean that even though I won't be brushing off my car every morning, there will be other challenges, or foregone blessings that come with the snow. So, as I drove to work on Wednesday morning, I started a mental list of good things that come with the snow and the cold.

Here's what I came up with:

- It's pretty. Winter in places that don't get snow is actually kind of ugly. I got to drive through the river valley to work and see large evergreens with snow in the boughs.

- It makes me tougher. When it comes to cold temperatures, I feel as though I can handle almost anything. Next year, when I am walking distance from school, there will never be a day that it feels too cold to walk. And it was 26 years of Canadian winters that produced that ability.

That's all I got... Any other suggestions?

Cross-Border Study Headaches

Growing up, I always watched American television. I'm relatively up-to-date on American politics and especially the American economy. In some ways, being Canadian feels a lot like being American, except that I apologize to people when I bump into them and take off my shoes when going inside.

But now that I am going to study in the States, I am learning that the US is a completely different country. Studying in the States requires a visa, which requires loans. Loans are tricky to navigate, since my options are taking out Canadian funds (a risky option as my heart sinks a little with the Canadian dollar) or paying heinous interest charges. On top of that, getting an American bank account and credit card are not as straight-forward as setting up Canadian accounts.

And then, there is the big question of whether I will even be able to work in the States when all is said and done, especially given the recent implementations of protectionist measures.

And yet as I sift through all these headaches, I watched the most recent admissions video blog. Here's a good contrast for you... In Edmonton, it is snowing and cold. I trudge through the snow to my car, feet cold from the wet snow as I brush off the snow. I drive through the slow traffic because no one really remembers how to drive in snow. Then I watch the video blog and find out it is mid-70s in C'ville. People are walking around in t-shirts.

Even if I weren't going for the educational opportunity, it's worth the headache of moving!

Thou Shalt Not Covet

In A Year of Living Biblically, AJ Jacobs attempts to follow the Bible as closely as possible. In the section I just read, he unwittingly stumbles on precisely the difference between law and grace.

He talks about all the different ways we covet, and all the different philosophies on how we are supposed to avoid coveting. His commentary has a pessimistic air and ends with the hopeful statement that he is now too busy following all the biblical rules to covet as much as he used to.

This is a perfect segway into how I see God's commandments: they are for our good. If we attempt to do something, to follow God's law, without understanding that His law is about boundaries and protecting us, we will indubitably fall short. Instead, we need to understand that the whole "not coveting" law comes from God's desire for us to be content. When we start to focus on the blessings that we have, it becomes much easier to stop coveting our neighbour's wife or his donkey.

Update on Darden Financial Aid

So, I still have yet to receive my admit package (which could potentially contain good news in the form of scholarships), but today Darden announced that they will be able to secure a loan program for international students that does not require a US co-signer. Additionally, they will be providing extra funds for scholarships for international students.

What this means is that I am off to school in the fall. I knew that before, but the financing was a bit of a hurdle that I was not sure I would be able to overcome. Now that hurdle will be cleared!

Darden Bound

At 9 a.m. this past Thursday, I got a call from the Darden Admissions Office informing me that I have been accepted to the Darden Class of 2011. After receiving rejections last week from Harvard and Stanford, and previously from Ivey (a school I thought I was a shoo-in for!), the acceptance to Darden is a huge blessing.

A little background on Darden... It is the business (MBA) program associated with the University of Virginia in Charlottesville, Virginia. Depending on the ranking used, it is somewhere in the top 10 or top 20. One of the reasons it doesn't rank higher is because the profs are really student-focussed, and thus the research is not as prominent as it could be. Darden uses the case method, same as Harvard and Ivey, and is considered a great general management school. Another interesting fact about Darden is that it is rumoured to have the toughest first year of any business program. Although debatable that it is still far more rigourous than other programs, recruiters still maintain this impression, so that's a good thing.

Charlottesville is a college town located 2 hours from Washington DC and an hour from Richmond, Virginia. Though there is an airport in Charlottesville, you can't really fly straight there from Edmonton. The highway connecting C'ville and Washington has traffic lights on it, a speed limit ranging between 45 and 60 mph and is well monitored by traffic cops. I saw three of them on the drive back to Washington after my interview.

It does snow in C'ville, but it doesn't stick around since the temperature mainly stays in the "mid 40s." Charlottesville is considered to be part of the Southern US, and as a result, everyone has thick southern accents.

Okay, enough about Darden and C'ville for now. While I am so happy to be accepted, I am waiting to hear about scholarships and then need to arrange financing. Getting loans could be tricky as an international student, so if you are the type inclined to pray, I could use your prayers for this matter! This could be a big obstacle to overcome, but I'm hoping Darden Financial Aid will help with this.

2008: Year in Review

The time has come to reflect on a year gone by and anticipate the year ahead.

At the beginning of 2008, I had several goals: ace the GMAT, visit New York and visit the Harvard campus. I accomplished these goals, and I must say that 2008 has been the year of the flight. I read once that you should visit three new places every year. In 2008, I met the quota for several years' worth of new places: Cuba, Toronto, Niagara Falls, Boston, New York, Virginia and Washington DC.

I discovered the joys of all-inclusive resorts and figured out the fine balance between relaxation and adventure while in Cuba.

In Toronto and Niagara Falls, I recognized both the joys and pitfalls of travelling alone. You meet amazing people when you don't have a comfortable group around you.

And in Boston and New York, I found cities that speak my language. While visiting campuses, I met other people whose career ambitions match my own. I also formed some great memories with my mom, and got to see a Broadway show, an NFL game and the NY Philharmonic perform at Lincoln Center (all in the span of two and a half days :) ).

2008 was, in many ways, a year of confirmation for me. I have long been growing tired of Edmonton, and being in cities like Toronto and New York just confirmed that there are places that I indeed belong.

While 2008 was an island of stability and predictability, I am facing 2009 without a clue what comes next. If I find myself in the same place I am now as I approach 2010, I will be very sad indeed. 2009 is going to be a keystone year in my life... a year in which something must change, otherwise I fear I may be stuck in Edmonton in a dead-end job forever, just being the "crazy lady," since I don't like cats.

Who Rules the Internet?

Today, I was invited by my favourite band to go to their YouTube channel and view their latest video. I clicked the link in the email, and lo and behold, when I got to the site, I was informed that I am not allowed to view the video from my country.

This is something I don't understand. Clearly, there is not a copyright violation, since the band made it's video available to the public.

This particular incident is not the first time I've been frustrated by having content available, but not accessible. I would love to be able to download (for a fee from iTunes!) old episodes of Grey's Anatomy, or The Office that I missed. However, in Canada, all that is available is Little Mosque on the Prairie.

Something I have never considered before is that maybe something like the Internet, which is internationally accessible, should be internationally governed. Copyright laws should span borders, so there isn't conflict regarding who can access what.

Anyway... just food for thought. I am not a lawyer by any stretch of the imagination, so I have no expertise in this area, and I know it's complicated. I just want to be able to watch my Switchfoot video. :-(

The Paradox of the Crowd

In 1964, a young woman from Queens named Kitty Genovese was stabbed and killed while 38 neighbours watched from their windows.

In The Tipping Point, Malcolm Gladwell mentions a study done by Bibb Latane and John Darley which found that the more eyewitnesses to an emergency, whether medical, fire or criminal, the less likely any one of them is to act. The reason is either that someone assumes someone else will do something, or the presence of so many witnesses has a numbing effect. People assume it isn't a significant problem because no one else is doing something.

I have long been baffled by charity organizations that do little more than "raise awareness." Tonight, as I was reading, I realized why. Is it possible that raising awareness can actually have the opposite of the intended effect? If I pass on a social issue to someone else, does that in effect reduce my passion to actually do something? I could easily get to thinking "well, I've told someone... that's something." But in reality, even if that someone tells someone else, the end result will be a lot of people knowing and assuming someone else is doing something.

I just finished reading The End of Poverty by Jeffrey Sachs. It is a great book in many respects, but the one part that frustrated me was that there were no suggested actions. In fact, Sachs makes the case that extreme poverty could be ended by taking back the tax cuts from the superrich. Well, whoop-di-do. That's not really something I can do.

If you've followed me thus far, I am issuing a challenge. Next time you are faced with a significant issue, be it poverty, declining donations to charitable organizations, or even an emergency... DO SOMETHING! Don't just assume that someone else will.

This week I had the opportunity to hear Craig Kielburger speak. He founded Free the Children when he was 12 years old. He did it because he saw a problem and wanted to do something. At the age of 25, he has now been awarded several honorary doctoral degrees and a number of other impressive awards, including the Order of Canada. Isn't that impressive? But all he did was do something when he saw a need, rather than assume someone else would.

It is those who do something who make history.

Blessings

Tonight I was reminded that every once in a while (or maybe more often than that!), we need to step back and count our blessings. So here is a list of the blessings in my life:

- conversations... about books, about shoes, about travelling, about social justice, about the future... I love conversations that last for hours, with old friends and new friends

- roses... I love that Costco sells 2 dozen roses for a very reasonable price so that I don't feel guilty buying them for my dining room table

- small world coincidences... meeting new people who have connections with other people I know

- silver shoes and finding gorgeous blue dresses and silver clutches to match with them

- new possibilities and horizons that I never imagined... making connections with people on the other side of the world who can tell me about the realities of life I can only read about in books

- compliments... words of love from those who don't even realize that's exactly what I need

Travels

2008 will go down in my life as the first year of many flights. I've heard that it is recommended that you go three new places in a year, and this year, I am definitely filling that quota!

The first flight of the year was to Winnipeg. Although it was under sad circumstances (my grandma - Amma as we affectionately called her, since that is Icelandic for grandma - passed away), it was a great visit with family. It's funny how much more we appreciate family as we grow older.

The next set of flights (since it took two each way) was the first one that took me somewhere I had never been... Cuba! Not only had I never been there, it was also my first time outside of North America, and my first time "crossing" the Atlantic Ocean.

Shortly after getting home from Cuba, I got an invitation to head to London, Ontario to check out the Ivey School of Business campus. Although I had been through London and Toronto before, I cannot remember ever really visiting. And I definitely can't remember whether I'd ever been to Niagara Falls, so that was another set of firsts. (And the third set of flights!)

The next set of flights is going to take me to three new places: Boston, New York and Virginia. My mom and I are headed to Boston in early October to check out Harvard Business School and sneaking in a weekend in New York before heading further south to the University of Virginia, where the Darden School of Business is located. As I can't remember ever being out East during the time when the leaves are changing colours, I am VERY much looking forward to enjoying the fall foliage, especially in a collegiate environment!

Anyway... I am hoping this will be a new trend in my life, as it will probably be quite a while before I run out of three new places a year.

Oh, and I'm sorry as this is absolutely the most self-indulgent blog I've ever posted.

Western Affluence: At the Expense of the Impoverished?

This is less of an argument and more of a discussion... For a long time, I always assumed that our affluence in the "West" came at the expense of those in less fortunate circumstances: cheap labour for cheap goods, etc.

Right now I am reading two books:
- A Farewell to Alms by Gregory Clark, which examines the state of the world prior to 1800. Basically, up until the Industrial Revolution, the world was stuck in the "Malthusian Trap," meaning there was no gain to real incomes, since any increase in production was offset by an increase in population. He then examines the causes of the Industrial Revolution, and goes on to describe why some nations are affluent and others are impoverished.
- The End of Poverty by Jeffrey Sachs, which discusses the factors causing extreme poverty, and what we can do about it.

These books may seem different, but they actually cover very similar material. Ironically enough, I had put down A Farewell to Alms last night (since it has many graphs and formulas and I wasn't in that head space) and picked up The End of Poverty, and it was discussing the factors and implications of the Industrial Revolution.

Anyway... all of this is helping me to start seeing poverty in a new way. Sachs, who I would originally assumed would have thought opposite, said explicitly that poverty in underdeveloped nations is not a result of the exploitation by affluent nations.

And, you'll have to bear with my reasoning here... Clark attributes "modern growth" to an increase in innovation... now, theoretically, if there are more countries contributing to innovative ideas and processes, that will simply increase production for everyone!

This is all just food for thought... Any other thoughts out there?

The End of Poverty

"The destinies of the 'haves' are intrinsically linked to the fates of the 'have-nothing-at-alls'." - Bono, from the foreword to The End of Poverty by Jeffrey Sachs

Although I am certain I've posted quotes from Bono regarding the end to extreme poverty before, since I have started reading The End of Poverty, I am coming across them again. And they are still as poignant and powerful and they were when I first heard them. It is pretty intense to think of the immense privileges that we enjoy, as the richest sixth of the world. And I say 'we,' because if you are reading this, you probably have access to a computer, Internet and leisure time.

There are many people in the world who lack the tools required to pull themselves from extreme poverty, with extreme poverty defined as the state in which one fights daily for survival, facing struggles that many of us never worry about: malaria, TB, AIDS and malnutrition.

There is hope, though, and as I am reading this book, I hope to take more time to blog about the weighty issues involved. This is an issue that I have been processing and slugging through as much as I can, accessing as many resources as available so that I can do SOMETHING. Something big.

Here are some more quotes from the intro by Bono:

"..we could be the first generation to outlaw the kind of extreme, stupid poverty that sees a child die of hunger in a world of plenty, or of a disease preventable by a twenty-cent inoculation. We are the first generation that can afford it. The first generation that can unknot the whole tangle of bad trade, bad debt, and bad luck. The first generation that can end a corrupt relationship between the powerful and the weaker parts of the world which has been so wrong for so long."

"We can be the generation that no longer accepts that an accident of latitude determines whether a child lives or dies - but will we be that generation? Will we in the West realize our potential or will we sleep in the comfort of our affluence with apathy and indifference murmuring softly in our ears?"

"Future generations flipping through these pages [of history] will know whether we answered the key question. The evidence will be the world around them. History will be our judge, but what's written is up to us. Who we are, who we've been, what we want to be remembered for. We can't say our generation didn't know how to do it. We can't say our generation couldn't afford to do it. And we can't say our generation didn't have reason to do it. It's up to us. We can choose to shift the responsibility, or, as the professor [Sachs] proposes here, we can choose to shift the paradigm."

Forgiveness

A few weeks ago, I was at a church service in which they talked about forgiveness. It was the typical talk about letting go of your bitterness, and it was very matter-of-fact. They handed out rocks, and the point was that you should just let go and throw your rock into a pile.

A few years ago, I was in a situation where I was really hurt. Although it was partially my fault, there was also some serious wrong-doing on the part of another party. And, in hindsight (and partially in my defense), most of the wrong that I caused was out of frustration with what was happening to me. When it happened, I became seriously disillusioned, and it caused a lot of pain in my life.

When I held that rock in my hand, I realized that I had never consciously made the decision to forgive. A lot of the bitterness was gone, but there were times (although quite rare) in which I saw the person who had hurt me the most, and it was always awkward... I would look away or avoid eye contact.

Holding that rock, I realized that it was time to truly let go and put it in my past. A lot of me had already moved on - I could no longer recite the list of wrongs that had been done, or remember all the ways in which I had been hurt... but I had never truly forgiven. So, in a very matter-of-fact way, I walked up to the pile and tossed in my rock. I didn't really think much of it at the time... it was just a logical decision.

Yesterday, I was at the mall, and as I walked past a table in the food court, I saw the person who had wronged me the most, but who I had simply chosen to forgive. Without thinking, I smiled and waved...

Blessed

Today I had several moments in which I was keenly aware of just how blessed I am... and I just wanted to share. Not to gloat, but to remind everyone that we are all truly blessed. There are so many privileges that we enjoy, and it is so important to realize and appreciate them.

Even more, I am blessed because I am a child of the king of the universe and He loves me very much. What better blessing than to be loved by God?