Surrender Isn't Easy...

(Just so you know, today's blog is very much faith-focussed.)

It's funny how music can affect us on such a strong level. Last Sunday at church, during the worship time, I had some powerful epiphanies about learning to surrender, and though I intended to reflect and blog about them, they slipped past my mind by the time I was driving out of the parking lot. Today, though, I found myself singing in the shower and found I was belting out the words from a song committing to surrender.

There's nothing more I need than to give you all of me.
There's nothing more I seek than to lay my all at your feet.
Everything I hold dear, I would trade it all for you.
My Lord, my life, I give it all to You.

My everything, my everything.
There's nothing I won't bring to you my King,
I give it all to You.

(Note: This song was written by someone in the worship band at my church, and if you want to hear it, try this site.)

To be honest, I can't say that I fully embrace the words of that song. My journey of surrender goes much more like a micro-manager handing out assignments. "Hmmm, let's see here, God, you can have this area of my life and that area of my life, but this one... no, I don't quite trust you to handle it."

I struggle with what surrender is supposed to look like for the 21st century North American Christian. I've heard stories from around the world about people who have been persecuted for their faith. People have given up their lives, watched their families tortured, been imprisoned, lost businesses... All for taking that step of commitment and surrender for their faith. Me? Well, here in North America, I may get snickered at when I say I'm trusting God for something, but that's about it. Or perhaps you may have been reading my blog all along thinking I've got a good head on my shoulders (actually, no, not my blog), and now you read about me talking about learning to surrender to a God that you don't believe exists and you may think I'm crazy, but that really doesn't have the same impact on me as if you were to murder my family in front of me.

So what DOES surrender mean? It's easy to say that I would give it all up if called to do so, but what does that look like in my everyday life?

One step I am starting with is learning to mentally give over control to God. As I mentioned earlier, there are a lot of areas of my life that I still hold quite tightly. It's definitely a daily struggle, but surrender starts with opening up and letting God's grace wash over those areas. Practically, this looks like being open to new ideas. I am one of those people who really likes to plan and know what is happening. I DO have a five year and ten year plan for my life. But learning to surrender means holding those plans loosely. It means learning to trust that God may open other doors besides management consulting and that maybe those other doors could lead to something better than what I have for myself.

And the second practical part of learning to surrender is learning to take myself out of that "#1 position" and putting others there. Jesus continually called his followers to LOVE. And if I am going to live a life of surrender, I need to learn to love, day in and day out. Fortunately, the Apostle Paul provided a manual on how to love. You've probably heard it quoted a few times at weddings... Love is patient... kind... not envious... not boastful... not rude... not self-seeking... not easily angered... (1 Corinthians 13) I can't say I have any of those mastered yet.

Why surrender? Ultimately I believe God has an amazing plan for my life. And when I fight his leading, it only creates anxiety and uncertainty for me. More importantly, the crux of my faith is that Jesus paid the ultimate sacrifice for me. So how can I possibly fathom holding back?

Surrender isn't easy. But the easy thing is never worthwhile anyway.

Manic

These days it seems like my mood is totally manic. In one minute, I start freaking out about the upcoming move. I've been excited about it for a long time, and I'm still excited and it's definitely time to move, but... For a long time I ignored the downsides of moving... leaving everyone I know 2,300 miles and two time-zones away. And as I'm at a point where I really only have two weeks left in Edmonton (plus a few scattered days after that), the goodbyes are starting to become a reality.

And there are still some details to be worked out. (Seriously, BUY MY CAR!) So I get really stressed about working out the remaining details and the sheer amount of STUFF that has to be done. (Well, mostly just sorting and packing... and buying new clothes. I've gotten away with a wardrobe consisting mostly of office attire for the past two years and have virtually no casual clothes. And the casual clothes that I did have no longer fit thanks to the running and healthy eating and all that jazz...)

But then I remind myself to just relax and calm down. My mom told me that I probably wouldn't get everything done or see everyone, but that it would be okay.

So these days, I swing from stressing out to finding peace back to worrying about going to a new place (which I haven't really done for 18 years, oops!) to reminding myself that everything will be fine. For so long I was just ready to up and leave this Edmonton life behind that I chose to forget about the fact that I'm pretty much leaving for good. And there are people here that I really love and will miss.

It's raining tonight, though, and that always gives me peace, even though it seems to be foiling my plans for salad and cocktails on the patio tomorrow at lunch.

Hehe, well, next year will be a real treat once I get into actually stressful situations. I think I handle those better, though!

Stood Up

What is it with my generation and the inability to follow through on commitments?

Seriously. I'm selling my car. I get an email this morning that says, "I am in town until 6 and am interested in your car. Please call me at..." So I call. I figure since he is leaving town at 6, that by the time I get home from work at 5:30, there won't be enough time, so I tell him to just meet me at work at 5. I write down his cell, he writes down mine, we've got a plan.

So 5 rolls around. I head outside to park my car in a better location. I talk to some co-workers in the parking lot for a few minutes. 5:10 - I call to see if he needs directions and get voicemail. 5:15 - I move my car to an even better spot. 5:20 - I call again, get the voicemail and leave a message saying I am on my way home and he can call for the address if he is still interested. 5:25 - He calls and says he isn't coming. Um, thanks. Glad that I spent 25 minutes moving my car to different places in the parking lot.

When I was subletting the basement suite of the house I was renting a year ago, I got the same type of thing. People would make appointments to stop by and then not show up. It's the most aggravating thing in the world. Seriously, EVERYONE has cell phones these days... I know because I can tell from seeing your number on my call display. So if you're not going to show up, just have the common courtesy to pick up the phone and let whoever is expecting you know, so they aren't waiting around. There seems to be this attitude that other people's time isn't as important as your own.

And while I'm working up a good rant here... WHY do people always show up late when you have a specified time to meet them? If we say "let's meet at 10," why do I have to wait half an hour? Seriously, my friends, you know who you are... some of you I've started intentionally showing up 15 minutes late. And the crazy thing is that I've still had to sit around and wait for you.

Okay, I'm done. Just know that when you deal with me, if you stand me up, that will be the last time. And if you show up late, you go on my list of people that I have to convert time for. (Yes, I actually have a friend and when we make plans, I'll ask "is this 6 my time, or 6 in 'Bob' Standard Time?")

How Does It Happen?

Today Bernard Madoff was sentenced to 150 years in prison.

It really makes me wonder. How does one man end up committing the largest Ponzi scheme in history?

Now, this may be a controversial opinion, but I don't believe that people are naturally good or well-intentioned. (Probably better for a different blog post, but I know that my default mode is more selfish, and I need to overcome that... I'm not naive enough to think I'm the only one who struggles with that!) However, I don't understand how someone can be depraved enough to swindle the kind of money that Bernie Madoff swindled from his investors. After all, a Ponzi scheme is not something you fall into accidentally because you need to cover up a mistake. A Ponzi scheme, where nothing is invested, is sheer fraud, in its entirety.

It's funny how our priorities can become so disjointed. We start to feel the invincibility of getting away with our actions, and we just go further and further down the road, until one day we get caught and suddenly find it's time to face the consequences.

My dad always said that if one of us girls was caught shoplifting, he wouldn't come and post bail right away. He'd let us suffer the legal consequences. Because I never did shoplift, this always made sense to me. Sometimes the best form of grace is getting caught early on. After all, if Madoff had been caught early, he probably would have been out of jail right now and enjoying the last days of his life with his wife. Instead, he gets to be the really bad guy everyone's heard of in jail.

It's easy to look at the Madoff story and think "I would never do that." But I think that these behaviours sneak up on us. There has been a lot of discussion among the MBA community about oaths. I don't know what I think about how effective that is, but I do know that integrity is absolutely the most essential character trait for a businessperson. Allowing cracks in integrity is never a good plan. If it's tempting to lie, cheat or steal to cover up a mistake or make a little extra money, then there is nothing to stop a big lie. My dad tells a joke that illustrates this point...

A man walks into a bar and sits down next to a woman. "Would you sleep with me for $1,000,000?" He asks. "Sure!" She replies. "Would you sleep with me for $50?" He asks. "What kind of woman do you think I am?" "Well, we've already established that. Now we're just negotiating the price."

Character is character. It is only developed after years and years of right decisions, but can be torn down by one wrong one. It's easy to look at what Madoff did and say, "that would never be me." But if we allow decisions into our lives that compromise our character, then we could easily be drawn down that path.

Virtual Coach

The last few blog posts have more routine and newsy than thought-provoking and introspective, but nothing that's been on my mind lately has seemed particularly blog-worthy. Instead I am wrapped up in all of the details that come with saying goodbye and moving and pursuing a slightly different career progression.

There is an organization called MBA JumpStart that offers a program pre-MBA called "Virtual Coach." As it seemed like a great opportunity, I hopped on board, and while sometimes it felt difficult to make time for the assignments, it's been a great learning experience. They've helped me with my resume, given me interview tips, and asked questions about my network and my brand. Just now, I turned in my second last assignment, in which I had to examine a recent business decision made by a company/CEO and discuss whether I think it was the right decision or the wrong decision. (In case you're curious, I dicussed the launch of Microsoft's new search engine, Bing.) The last assignment is to re-do my resume for an updated resume score. As I was quite disappointed with my first score (I had never really seen a consulting resume before...), it will be good to have the opportunity to have it re-evaluated.

In addition to all of the other assignments, I had to pick out 5 companies that I wanted to work for, and Virtual Coach is looking into finding contacts as those companies for me! As someone who is coming from a small, privately-owned company, whose contacts are virtually all also from small, privately-owned companies, this is a huge potential boost for me. After all, finding a job is based so closely on the ability to network.

So, I suppose this is a plug for Virtual Coach. MBA JumpStart also has a conference in the middle of July (and they pay your expenses if you are accepted!), but as I have other commitments, I am unable to go. If you are looking to start your MBA program in 2010, and especially if you are a career changer, I highly recommend the program.

Only Three More Weeks? Really?

Today I got to sleep in a few minutes. I got to sleep in because I didn't need to eat breakfast at home. I didn't need to eat breakfast at home because my Company* had gotten us a catered breakfast. These breakfasts aren't unusual. Just 8 days after I started, I was treated to my first Company breakfast to celebrate 25 years of operations. They gave everyone a little portable DVD player. Everyone included me and the six other people who started the same day I started.

Today's breakfast was special because they were announcing the latest step in an initiative that I was largely responsible for well over a year ago. I can't take full credit, but I organized all the different thoughts and conversations about making the Company a better place to work, put the people together to make things happen, and just this morning, the partners rolled out the latest initiative.

Just three hours after the great announcement, and still full from breakfast, I went down to the back parking lot where the first of the summer BBQ lunches was being served. After downing some fruits, veggies and a hot dog, I tossed around a football with my co-workers and boss. And just two hours after that, I stood in the lunchroom while everyone else ate birthday cake. (As delicious as the chocolate mousse cake looked, I just couldn't bring myself to eat even a sliver.)

After taking a "cake break," I returned to the boardroom where I was meeting with the IT guy about some of the improvements that our ERP system can bring to various processes. As we talked, I realized how little time I have left. The last two years that I've been at the Company, there have been a lot of changes and improvements. At times, I felt like I had to fight tooth and nail to get people on board, but now I can see how the incremental improvements have really added up. It really does make me sad that I won't be around to roll out many of the changes we talked about today, but I really think I will stay in touch with the Company to see how everything turns out.

This post is probably three weeks premature, but after feeling completely SPOILED today, I was feeling sappy and sentimental about the last two years of work. I've learned and grown so much. I'm really going to miss my coworkers. (Side note: Someone asked me at lunch today whether I was going to miss them, and we joked around a lot, but it's true... I really will miss you! Even though none of you read my blog, I don't think...) In the years since I've graduated my job, I've transitioned many times between school and work (summer jobs and the 2-year hiatus from university to work in children's ministry before going into undergrad business), and it's always tough. I get really used to seeing my coworkers every day, and over time you build trust and rapport and get to the point where you really talk about everything. Although, I suppose that having sections and learning teams next year AND being in a relatively small class, I will still get to experience that.

As I ramble on... I do still have three weeks left. I guess I can leave some of the reflecting until then!

*Note: This is one of those areas in which I struggle with anonymity. Do I say the name of my company? Or do I just keep it as Company? For now, I will keep it relatively private. But if you are looking for somewhere to work in Edmonton, and are an engineer of the electrical variety, let me know and I'll hook you up with our HR guy...

Check, Check, Check

After working all of last weekend, a lot of the items on my Outlook to-do list turned red on account of being past their due dates. But today, I finished the last of my pre-enrollment modules, so I am well on the way to having everything done by the end of June.

Sadly, since it has been 10 years since I've done high school math, I actually had to take part of the math test twice. It's funny how we attempt to save time by not reviewing the material, then have to take it again. I hope that my score on the assessment doesn't have any material effect on my grades, since it wasn't my best showing. What can I say? I'm still in summer mode. I'm glad for two weeks of orientation to get myself back in study mode.

The other BIG thing on the list is selling my car. I consider myself a decent negotiator, but I really don't have weeks to spend playing games and haggling over the price. I'm thinking of pricing my car just over the base minimum that I plan on selling it for. Any car selling experts out there with some advice?

Well, I'm exhausted. The countdown is 15 days left of work before vacation. Next week will be really nice, with just two days of work, Canada Day, another two days of work, and then the weekend. In three weeks, when I finish work, it will be time to rush hardcore into vacation. As it's been over a year since I've had a real vacation (don't know if you would count travelling to MBA programs as a vacation, though it was a fun trip!), I'm definitely looking forward to some extended time off.

My Internet Self

Today I got another friend request on Facebook from a future classmate. I always feel mixed about accepting these requests. On one hand, it's nice to develop somewhat of a rapport with my classmates, since they will be the people I spend all my time with next year. On the other hand, it feels weird to give them a glimpse of my life now, before our experiences all merge. There have been a few people that I've exchanged emails with or followed on Twitter, but it always feels like the Facebook friend request gives them access to all my photos and notes and identity. Not that I assume everyone is going to pore over my profile in detail... it's just weird that they CAN.

Despite not really having anything to hide, I do tend to keep my profile very private. (Yeah, right, nothing to hide, you say? Seriously... my mom's on Facebook with complete access to everything posted by me or about me...) It just comes down to controlling who has what information about me. I remember I went to a party a few years ago, and I met this girl for the first time, and she commented on pictures I had previously posted. Since that time, I changed my settings so only friends could see anything. I guess you just never know who's going to tag a picture and put a misleading caption on it, or make a comment that is a private joke that could totally throw someone else off.

Since I'm finishing up at my job (18 days, but who's counting? Yikes... so much to do in that time!), I'm very aware that it will not be long before internship searching and another job hunt begin. While I wouldn't expect that every potential future employer would Google me or look me up on Facebook, I definitely know that it's possible. As a result, I do search my name regularly to see what shows up. (Met a fellow blogger who shares my name in the process!) So far, I haven't found anything I'm ashamed of, but nothing particularly astonishing either.

Anyway... just thought I'd throw this out there for a little discussion, perhaps. How much of your identity do you reveal online through public forms? How private is your Facebook profile? Are you ever worried what recruiters/future classmates may find?

Letters

Last night as I was attempting to purge even further the amount of stuff I have, I came across a box full of letters that I had once deemed important enough to keep. As I started reading them, I was brought back to so many memories. There were encouragement notes, cards with kind messages in them, notes written during a class and finally, letters written from friends when I went off to Bible College, since there were actually people who didn't have regular email access ten years ago.

It's funny how times have changed. I can stay in regular contact with friends in China, Argentina, Tanzania and Europe now through email and Facebook.

But there's something sad about the lack of letters these days. I couldn't quite bring myself to throw out the old letters. Instead I scanned them and saved them on my computer. Even though some of those words were written 12 years ago, it still warms my heart to read a thoughtfully written message of encouragement.

So, let's bring back the art of the letter. The nice thing is that it doesn't have to be frequent or lengthy. Just some kind, thoughtful, handwritten words can go a long way. After all, I've felt they were important enough to save for over a decade, moving through several houses. In fact, if I can issue a challenge to you as you read this, it would be to think of someone who has touched your life in some small way, and write them a letter to tell them.

Suburban Sunset

My original plan was to blog about anonymity, identity, social networking and the Internet, but I looked out my window and saw this view, so I figured all of that can wait. In the meantime, you can read my fellow blogger's musings about the subject. (And the accompanying comments!)

My future self is jealous of my current self for getting to see this every evening.

Peace

It's the perfect evening. After a few rather hot, humid days, tonight the rain poured down and cooled everything off. As I prepare for bed, I've opened the window to get the air going and the smell of rain has wafted in. The croaking of frogs, a sound that I have quickly gotten used to in the few short weeks I've been here, reigns persistent, punctuated only by the occasional sound of a bug succumbing to the zapper on my neighbour's deck. The breeze from outside is welcome, making my room comfortably cool so I can snuggle under my duvet.

And I am at peace.

For those of you who have just "tuned in" to my blog, I feel as though I need to preface this next section with a warning... My faith is very important to me. So a lot of times, I interweave normal, everyday events with what others consider spiritual. And I recognize that many people see faith differently than me, so when I do that, just bear with me. :-)

Anyway, after being stressed last night with all the details of a cross-border move, a friend on Facebook reminded me that I just need to breathe and let God do the rest. It's funny, because that's what he told me throughout the MBA application process. (Yes, I stressed a lot. If you have gone through it, you understand. If you are just starting, I know your pain, but trust me, it's worth it. And if you haven't done it at all, have compassion on those that have!)

With the way the doors have opened, I really feel as though God is leading me down this path. It's an unsettling time to be leaving a stable job to invest in a significant education, knowing that hiring is down. But all I really need to do is take one step at a time, and trust that I'm not going to end up filing for bankruptcy protection or begging for food on the street. (And hey, if I do, well, it will be character building.) When I really learn to trust God's plan, I'm reminded that the bumps and hurdles that we face in life generally put us in a better spot. I still remember the day I didn't get an invitation to interview at what I thought was my dream B-school. All the invitations came out on one earth-shattering day. But a good friend reminded me to just trust God's plan, and ultimately, I think Darden is a much better fit.

So, I will make lists of what needs to be done. (As per my friends' suggestions!) Then I will do the things on the lists. And, in just over 6 weeks(!), I will confidently stroll into the next phase of my life, trusting that God has a plan, even when I can't see it.

Stressing

With just 22 days of work left, my departure date from Edmonton is getting closer, and I am starting to stress out a little! Yes, details are falling into place. Just this week I have set up the final of my American bank accounts so I can easily transfer money from my Canadian account to an American one that will let me use debit (if that's what they call it down there) and write cheques and stuff. (No, I will never spell it "checks." Checking is what you do when you put your bag into the airline's hands for a flight.)

Anyway, the reality of the big move is starting to set in. Don't get me wrong, I couldn't be more excited about this adventure. But then there's the part of me that enjoys being close to family (just this evening, my sister and I went on a nice bike ride) and will definitely miss my friends. Other than people that I've met online and exchanged emails and Twitter feeds with, I know no one. There is not one single person that will be in Charlottesville that I have met in person. (Oh, except the couple my mom and I had dinner with on the train back in October... note to self: email them!) Everyone that I've met in the process has been amazing, though, and I know that shortly after arriving, I will feel like I am in good company.

It's probably rational to feel this way. This next step of my life is a big step that's going to change everything. I've been planning it for a really long time... Since October 2007, really, when I drove down to Calgary for an HBS info session. And I've been waiting for it for a while... Last July, I decided that even if I didn't get into any schools, I was going to find a job somewhere other than Edmonton. But now everything's coming quickly, and it feels like I spent too much time hoping time would pass quickly and not enough enjoying the blessings at my fingertips.

Well, 6 and a half weeks until the big move. I'm really excited, but feel as though I have a lot of stuff to do and people to see in the meantime.

EDIT: I should add that I am not discounting the people I've met through various social networking sites! I'm very excited about meeting all of them; they've been amazing. ALSO...

Another source of stress is that I've decided to sell my Civic and buy my parents' Acura since it's a bit bigger, and able to transport more stuff down to C'ville with me. And here's a shameless plug... If you live in Edmonton, you should buy my Civic, because it's totally awesome.

Playing With Macro

My sister loves taking pictures with the macro setting on her camera. Since we have the same camera, I've been trying to figure out how to do the same. We celebrated Father's Day early and had a picnic. Since my sister is living in Germany, she wasn't there, so we figured we'd take some macro pictures in her honour.

This picture was taken as a joke, obviously, but it's kind of grown on me.

Someone suggested this picture because it isn't obvious what it is, and it's also grown on me.

Raspberries are the most delicious food on the planet. I really like how this one turned out.

And finally, some lilacs.

Time to Relax

It doesn't take much reading of this blog to realize that I'm quite excited about the next step in this crazy journey that is my life.

In just over 7 weeks, I'll be packing all my posessions into my little Civic and driving down to Charlottesville, Virginia. But sitting on the patio at Earl's today with some good friends from undergrad, I realized that 7 weeks is not going to be nearly enough time to relax and spend time with the people I love here in Edmonton.

So, as someone who is intensely goal-driven, I'm setting a new goal: knock everything off my Darden to-do list by the end of June. July is going to be a busy month. Friends and family are coming home from abroad. I'm heading to Iowa for a wedding. And, oh yeah, I'm still working through to the middle of July. Only 5 weeks left...

Information Overload?

Sometimes I wonder if we cram too much stuff into our heads. Two of the books I have read lately (The Black Swan and The 4-Hour Work Week) have suggested eliminating news from our daily intake. After reading these, it's gotten me to thinking.

Every morning, I set my alarm for 6:21. This allows me to hit snooze and wake up just in time for the 6:30 news broadcast on the radio. I blare the radio again at 7:30 as I am getting ready, just so I can catch the news. Then, I will often go into the office a few minutes late because I am sitting in my car listening to the 8:00 news.

Once I get my computer turned on, Google willingly hands me everything I need to know. I am supposed to keep up with no less than 6 publications (The Economist, The Financial Times, BusinessWeek, The Wall Street Journal, Fortune and Forbes) for an economics class in first semester. Rather than trying to read each of them, I've put the feeds into my Google RSS Feed Reader. This, along with a more general news stream, and such great blogs as Freakonomics keep me informed of everything I need to know. And if I'm feeling an information defecit, I need only log on to Twitter to see what people are discussing. If I don't know what they are referencing, good old Google is there at my fingertips to tell me what I need to know.

Sigh.

It's a lot of information to take in. And yet, I'm addicted to it. Part of it is the desire to be able to discuss situations intelligently with others. (I remember Blagojevich coming up when I was at Darden for my interview. Since this wasn't front page news in Canada, I was so grateful it had been discussed in the Freakonomics blog so I knew what my fellow interviewees were talking about!) Part of it is wanting to synthesize what is going on in the world so I can see what direction the economy is headed. (Which is exactly why Taleb discourages reading the news in The Black Swan) And part of it, I must admit, is my ADD. Sit and concentrate on creating a report for an hour? No way... like shiny objects, the news headlines grab my attention as they scroll past on my reader.

I'm contemplating a mini news fast. Just a day of not listening for it, not watching it go by on my feed reader, and not googling every phrase that I don't understand. I am deeply passionate about knowledge, but I think that I need to start controlling how I synthesize it before I go crazy!

Why I Love Darden: The Prologue

A few things over the past few days have completed affirmed my decision to head off to Darden in August. This post may be premature, but I think this reflection can still be good.

A few weeks ago, there was a discussion in the Darden Class of 2011 Facebook group regarding the best option for cell phone plans. I posted a question about whether anyone had information regarding calling plans/text messages to Canada. A week ago, one of the current students who is from Canada posted his advice about calling plans. Since I had a few other Canada-specific questions (i.e. do I need to register my car in Virginia?), I sent him a message asking if I could ask him some questions. My intent was to just send one or two questions and he could write back some quick answers.

Of course he was willing to answer my questions. But he didn't need for me to email them, he just offered to call me. So last night he called, and being wary of his time, I tried to make my questions quick, and focussed on questions about being a Canadian at Darden. Instead, he kept asking if I had any more questions, and we had a good conversation about all things Darden. He even offered to go to Best Buy with me to get a cell phone, since they took a long time to figure it out when he went last year!

And, as great as this is, it's not even remotely an anomaly. I have found absolutely every Darden student I've come in contact with to be absolutely generous with their time. And, oh yeah, they are all incredibly friendly people. There are a number of current / recently graduated / future Darden students on Twitter, and if I have a question, I just post it in my status, and it gets answered very quickly. Ditto that for the Facebook group, and even student blogs.

The Darden Dean, Bob Bruner, is also on Twitter. He posts his blog updates to Twitter, and every time I read them, I get excited about going to a school that is genuinely focused on ethics and integrity. This latest outbreak of excitement is based on a blog posting that was reposted on Forbes.

Anyway... I have already been trying to pay this abundance of assistance forward as future applicants have been messaging me for advice on the application process in general. Hopefully I can get more involved in helping future students next year. Maybe I'll volunteer as a student host, or join the admissions committee or something. I already feel compelled to give back!

Black Swan - First Thoughts

The Black Swan by Nassim Nicholas Taleb has been on my reading list, and actually my book shelf, for quite some time. After reading an article a few days ago in the Wall Street Journal about how Taleb's hedge fund is betting on hyperinflation, I decided it would be the next book I read.*

The Black Swan explores "the impact of the highly improbable." Taleb argues that history and the significant events that have shaped our world have been black swans. No one could see that they were going to happen (except in hindsight) and they had a huge impact.

Thus far, I have only read the intro, but it brings up some interesting points and already I am finding takeaways. One suggestion made in the intro is that we should be less focused on trying to predict what will happen and more focused on trying to figure out how to react to what happens.

I have had some exposure to this line of thinking with business continuity planning. We've considered what effect certain "shocks" would have on our business. (i.e. loss of access to building, failed IT systems, etc.) Then we've come up with a plan to counter these effects. (Finding suppliers to rent equipment from until we can replace it, having an IT server stored offsite, etc.) Though at one point, I brainstormed possible shocks (fire, theft, flooding, snowed in), the more important thing was considering which operations would be affected by shocks.

This kind of thinking surfaced in a conversation that I had with someone a few months ago. (Warning: the following idea is only half-baked and may be offensive. Please try to consider the big picture of what I am saying!) He said that we have been putting so much energy into trying to stop global warming when there is still a good possibility that global warming is naturally caused (i.e. recurring cycle in the earth's atmosphere). While I absolutely think that we need to focus on sustainability and minimizing our impact on the earth, I also think that we need to consider what impact a "warmer earth" will have. We seem to be hedging our bets on global warming being entirely human caused, and putting our focus on stopping our impact. BUT, this is a risky bet. What if we can maintain complete carbon neutrality, but the earth still warms? Will we be prepared to deal with that? Maybe, just maybe, we should focus on sustainability separately than we are dealing with global warming. (Of course, that said, I am not a scientist. But I could organize and manage some scientists to look at dealing with global warming.)

Anyway, I'm looking forward to getting further into this book. I have about ten more that I want to read before school starts, in addition to the one I have to read for school. Oh, I'm going to miss my free time...

*I just finished reading Three Cups of Tea for a book club I'm in, and I really enjoyed it. It's amazing to see what the tenacity and perseverance of one man can accomplish. Of course, as a side note, I also can see how my business skills can bring a world of improvement to the not-for-profit sector, but we'll see how that plays out in the next few years.

High School Reunion: The Aftermath

So as I mentioned a few days ago, my high school reunion was tonight. It was definitely not what I was expecting! For some reason, I had always imagined high school reunions to be filled with small talk at the punch bowl about where you ended up in life. In truth, I didn't get to brag to anyone about my fabulous accomplishments. I found the people I had been friends with, and through the magic of Facebook, we all had a reasonable idea of what we were up to. We picked up just where we left off ten years ago (actually, really, less than that!), sat through the program, then skipped the "after-party" for our own party at a nearby restaurant.

It's really fun being ten years older and still sharing all the memories. We are all in the professional stages of our lives - finished undergrad and working in professional jobs and/or pursuing graduate studies. None of us imagined we would be where we are when we left high school, but we're all satisfied with the direction life has gone. In some ways, it felt like we were the same and yet so very different. We've maintained our personalities, but have ten years more of life experience and maturity. (Though it seems that 10 years didn't help the maturity level of some of our classmates... though alcohol may have played a role in some of that behaviour. ;-) )

It will be interesting to see where we are in another 15 years.

What I'll Miss About Edmonton

Several of my fellow classmates-to-be at Darden have done blog posts on what they will miss from where they live now. As I am currently attempting to settle into my temporary home (difficult since it is occupied by the stuff that belongs to my sister living in Germany), and starting to realize just how quickly the weeks are zipping by, it seems like an appropriate time to reflect. I also think it is important since I am really excited about the next chapter of my life, but I also need to make sure that I am fully here for the next 8 weeks and 2 days.

• Let's get the obvious out of the way: free time and a pay cheque. Full-time study at the most intense first year MBA program doesn't really create either of those in abundance. I am most going to miss having a whole free evening that I can get in a run, catch up on email, watch my favourite TV show, read a book AND talk to good friends on the phone.
• Snow at Christmas: I love the snow in December, and while C'ville DOES get snow, it doesn't generally stick around long. (Disclaimer: I will not miss snow on the May long weekend.)
• Not just friends, but friends with whom I have a long history. I love that my friends know me and all my quirks, which buttons to push (and not push!), and even the fact that I always bring a shrimp ring whenever bringing an appetizer is required. There's something so comforting about being with people who already know the gist of you. You can just hang out and be yourself. That said, I'm wondering which parts of me to "re-invent". You know... maybe I'll be the girl who always brings carrot sticks to parties next year. I will also miss my friends individually, each for different reasons, which I could probably write several blogs about, but I won't. Just know that I am very thankful for Skype, and for the promises you've made to come visit!
• Family. I've got one sister who loves to travel and live exciting places, so we've got long-distance sisterhood down. The rest of my family has always been nearby, and I'll miss seeing them regularly. Family is something you always take for granted, but realize how important when you are far away. I'll miss the good laughs, board games and just general support.
• Knowing my way around the city. I've been driving in Edmonton for nearly 12 years, and I pretty much know where everything is, what the best way is to get there and when to be in which lane.
• River Valley... Edmonton has a gorgeous river valley! I don't think C'ville has a river at all.
• My church. It has the BEST music that I've ever experienced at a church, and I'm keeping my expectations for church music in C'ville relatively low.

Okay, so I could try and write down more Edmonton-specific things, but the truth is that what has made Edmonton special over the years has been people more than places or perks. The Edmonton things I will probably discover more as I live in C'ville. (Though I could add anything "big city" to the list: nice movie theatres, abundance of shopping, etc.)

High School Reunion

This Saturday is my ten-year high school reunion.

It's hard to believe that high school was ten years ago. I know that a lot of people found high school to be a difficult time, but I was not one of those people. For me, junior high was abolutely horrible, and high school was like this oasis of awesomeness, fun and good relationships. It's weird to think that I'll be seeing old classmates, and I think all of them that knew me will be surprised at where I've ended up.

17-year-old me would definitely be surprised at what 27-year-old me is like. First of all, 17-me would not be able to handle knowing that 27-me is not only single, but plans to remain that way. 17-me was planning on getting married at 24. 17-me would also find it really surprising that not only did I end up in business, but that I am pursuing my MBA... in Virginia of all places! 17-me knew only that I was going to Bible College for a year. Any plans beyond that were more centered around building a family and having kids before 30. It's funny what girls come up with when we haven't really identified our skills and passions. :-)

17-me was a lot more zealous. I'm still passionate about my faith, but I live it in a much less in-your-face fashion. I am ashamed to admit that 17-me even had an altercation with my CALM (Career and Life Management) teacher about how a certain movie was inappropriate. 27-me would be completely embarassed to be with someone who did that, much less BE that person.

And now that we've turned that corner... I do appreciate that 17-me was so hardcore and legalistic (at times) about her faith. While it would be a shame to still be like that, I definitely appreciated that while 17-me wasn't perfect, she never turned down the drugs/alcohol path. I learned to drink alcohol in a much more responsible manner when I was of legal age. I haven't had to worry about alcoholism or nicotine addiction. (Of course, not that everyone who experiments with these things in high school goes down that path; most don't. BUT, it wasn't an issue at all for me.) There are also other good choices that 17-me made in high school that 27-me really appreciates.

One of these is learning to serve. I had a youth pastor in high school who dragged us off to Mexico to build houses and to the inner city to visit homeless men and off to camp to play with kids living in poverty and broken homes. 17-me was quick to get involved in everything, and those values have been deeply instilled in 27-me. In fact, 17-me would have been surprised to discover that 27-me found that a career in business could still satisfy that need to change the world... and to maybe do so more effectively than without it.

Anyway... I am interested to see how Saturday turns out. I've never been to a reunion, and I have no idea who will be there, though I am anxiously hounding my friends on Facebook to come.

Today I am Thankful For...

Family... Specifically:

• Yesterday I moved from my cute little house in the river valley back to my parents' house in the suburbs. It is a huge blessing that my parents are letting me crash at their place for two months so I can save up some extra money for moving expenses.
• In the process of moving, my independent self had determined that I could do it all on my own, with the exception of my bed and my couch. To move those items, I would need to borrow my Dad's truck and would also need his help to get them out of my house and into the truck. Well, not only was he more than happy to help with that, he also loaded everything else into his truck, came back for a second load, took my designated charity boxes to Goodwill, and then came back for a third load when I realized that the remainder of my stuff would not fit in my car like I originally planned.
• After coming to my new home, tired and worn out from the packing, moving and cleaning of the old home, supper was ready on the table! Now, lest you think I'm spoiled (though, let's be serious, I might be), my mom will not be cooking me supper every night. Instead, the cooking of supper in my family's home is generally a team project, with everyone contributing different parts of the cooking depending on when they get home. At least that's how I remember it...
• And on the same vein of moving... While I miss the mature trees and backyard of my old place (my parents haven't laid the sod in their new house), I am thankful for the beautiful view of the slough outside my parents' backyard. I think Edmonton has done a great job of creating nice green spaces in the suburbs.

Stuff

Every time I move, I attempt to purge the huge accumulation of stuff that I feel the need to lug around. As I am currently packing for my third move in 2 years, I thought by now the purging would have finally been complete. And before I started, I wondered how I could have possibly made it through two moves WITHOUT purging anything of value.

But then it comes time to actually throw away stuff. Back in the day, there was no Victoria's Secret in Canada, so I stocked up on lotions every time I was in the US. Lotions that I never use. But then it came time to throwing out a bottle of lotion nearly 3/4 full and it was hard.

Then I got to a box full of stuffed animals. Let's be serious... what girl in her late 20s needs a box of stuffed animals? So I started putting them with the other stuff going to Goodwill. And then I pulled out Daphne, my old, worn Cabbage Patch doll with the partially braided long hair. Well, she's not in nearly good enough condition to donate to charity, but I can't possibly throw her away. I've decided that I need just one box of those extra sentimental childhood memories. When I have a more permanent home, those dolls can come with me and my nieces can play with them. (Note: I have no nieces yet... probably won't until well after I'm established more permanently...)

Anyway, I now see why I have such a large accumulation of stuff. On the plus side, I have packed less than I have thrown away or designated to charity, so I'm making progress. My mom told me I couldn't bring home more than what will fit in my car, so I guess I'd better be ruthless!

Stop and Smell the Lilacs

Running is my new stress-reliever. I got home from work today feeling wound up, and recognizing this in myself, I knew I needed to just run it off and process my day. It worked...

If you're not from Edmonton, this may sound odd, but today was the first day I've gone running and seen the trees full of leaves. I've been watching them bud for a few weeks now, and waiting anxiously for this beautiful day. And it was a beautiful day, as I set off for my run. Not only were the streets much more green, but the scent of lilacs also filled the air.

As I ran, I processed what's really on my mind. I feel as though I am in the midst of this immense struggle to really be present. I have 37 days of work left... That translates into 296 hours and 17,760 minutes. Being at work right now is a huge opportunity to build up my resume before I head off to school. But my head is way in the clouds, daydreaming about the upcoming move to Virginia. I'm getting everything done, but that drive that I need to really finish with finesse is just not there.

I'm sure that most of you can agree with me that there is nothing wrong with being excited about Virginia. But today is a gift that we have, that we only get once. The events of each day are so important. To "waste" time is a grand indiscretion. Plus, and I don't say this to sound ominous, we never know whether tomorrow will come. But we do have today.

Like my last post, I wish I had more answers than questions. This is something that I'm still trying to figure out, and would love to solve by the time my alarm goes off tomorrow morning.

The buds on the trees, though I couldn't see it, were spending their time very deliberately. There was a seasoning and a development process that was required before they could be exposed as the rich, green leaves they are today. Had they "checked out" (analogy is weak, but, you know... tried to rush the process, gave up taking in the nutrition from the tree, etc.) because they were just too anxious about being leaves, the end product would not have been quite as spectacular.

The title of this blog posting is "Stop and Smell the Lilacs," but I have a confession. I only slowed down to take in a whiff. Alas, patience is a virtue that is still in the bud stage for me.

Finding the Contentment/Striving Balance

Sometimes I feel as though my life is the dichotomy of two desires. On one end, there is the need to be content, just as I am. On the polar opposite, there is the desire to be constantly struggling for growth and improvement.

These are both important, but sometimes I wonder where the balance is. Part of me thinks it is only possible to truly grow and stretch when we are secure in who we are and content at where we are in life.

This was something running through my mind as I was jogging the other morning. It was less than 2 months ago that I started, and at that point, I was doing about 4km and alternating between walking and running. Now, I can run a full 7 km without taking walking breaks. But now it feels inadequate when I only do 5 km. So it got me thinking... where is the balance between being happy with what we've accomplished and striving for more improvement and more growth? I'm a natural driven person, so I feel as though I'm always aiming for more. Sometimes I don't really know how long to enjoy that plateau before I start striving for the next step.

Now, I hope that you didn't read the title of my blog and start reading because you thought I had answers. Instead, I have only questions. The only thing that I can really come up with is that I think that balance and the dichotomy of desires is important. Contentment keeps us from going crazy, and the need for striving and growth is what really makes life worth living.

Fear Insignificance, Not Failure

The secret to success is learning to fear insignificance more than failure.

It's been said that the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. In "The 4-Hour Work Week" by Tim Ferriss, he suggests that the opposite of happiness is not sadness, but boredom. And now I'm learning that the opposite of success is not failure, but insignificance.

Failure is a remarkably splendid thing. We learn more from failure than from success. I remember the last time I lost a game of "Settlers of Catan." I was poised to win, completely dominating the game right from the outset. But I made a fatal flaw, my opponents exploited it, and I spent the last half of the game completely frustrated while everyone else caught up and someone else won. I learned a lot from that loss, though. I learned lessons that I can use in future games, as well as in actual business strategy. (Yes, I'm that competitive/nerdy) Ironically, I had won the game before, but I don't remember learning anything from that.

Although my competitive streak would suggest I think otherwise, my significance in life is not defined by how many board games I win. However, this is still an important example. When things don't turn out how we expect, it gives us an opportunity to examine what went wrong to change for next time. It forces us to look inside and examine our assumptions. Failure provides the impetus for change.

Anyone who has achieved anything of significance has experienced failure. If we give up when it gets rough or we experience setbacks, we're going to find that life becomes monotonous and repetitive. Success is dependent on stepping out, taking risks and embracing the failures for they are worth. Experiencing failure does not make us failures, unless we choose to stop after failing.

For a heartwearming end to this blog post, check out this inspirational Milk commercial. Also, John Maxwell brings a much more seasoned and in-depth look at failure in his book, "Failing Forward."

Scent-Induced Memories

This morning, before going for a run, I put on sunscreen for the first time this season. (Despite being blonde and fair-skinned, I don't wear sunscreen anywhere near the frequency that I should.) As I squeezed the sunscreen into my hand, the smell aroused some powerful memories. Immediately I was transported to my suite in Cuba, a fun day at Sylvan Lake, my summer camp counselling days and sitting by the pool in Phoenix working on my leadership presentation over Reading Week.

It's amazing how our memory filter works. I love that when looking back on life, it's the good memories that stick. Every adventure has its ups and downs. But looking back in time, it's only the ups that we really remember. We might, if prompted, remember the challenges, but the weight of those challenges, however insurmountable they have have seemed at the time, is diminished by the fun memories and victories we achieved. I suppose the lesson in that is to endure the challenges and the hard times if they lead to good things. It's so cliche to say that "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger," but I think it's even more important to realize that anything good is going to come with challenges, and if the "good thing" is worthwhile, putting up with the challenges is, too.

This was crossing my mind as I thought about my upcoming road trip with my sisters. We've been on a few road trips together. Since our family drove for almost all our family vacations, the three of us are well-conditioned to travelling together. I know that in our travels, we have absolutely fought and argued and gotten mad at each other. But I don't remember any of those specific incidents. What sticks in my mind is the fun adventures that we've had, being silly together ("I noticed you're not wearing any galoshes"), talking about whatever meaningful conversation comes up, playing stupid car games, pulling over to the side of the road to take completely random pictures and doing "chinese fire drills"* to switch drivers when one of us would get tired.

Well, this post has really migrated away from what I originally intended it to be. All this to say I'm so excited about driving down to C'ville with my sisters in August!

*Chinese Fire Drills: When the light turns red, everyone gets out of the car, runs around it, and hops back in. In this case, we changed seats when hopping back in.
As a further note, the irony of the term struck me as I wrote it. I recently came across the term "Canadian Tuxedo" and had the most perplexing time trying to figure out why a wardrobe combination of all denim would be somehow associated with Canadians. While I still don't have an answer, I wonder if any Chinese people will read my blog and wonder why running around the car and calling it a "fire drill" is associated with the Chinese. Sorry... I don't know!

Coming Together...

Some "exciting" developments this week. I have most of my visa papers together. My I-20 came through courier on Tuesday, and I paid the SEVIS fee today, so I just have to wait for one more form to come in the mail and I'll be set on that front. I can't tell you how much of a relief it is to not have to go through an interview!

For moving, I have secured a bed, desk and bookshelf, which was really the extent of the furniture I planned to buy, since my roommate will be moving most of hers and that will make for a fully furnished apartment. I got it from a graduated Darden student, so it was all used (read "cheap" :-) ) and will be available pretty much when I arrive.

The most exciting news of the week is that both my sisters have confirmed their vacation time and are going to be making the drive down to C'ville with me! They booked their plane tickets home today.

And the least progress this week has been on packing. In just over a week, I will move in to my parents' house to save some extra money for moving and wardrobe updating (this running is taking it's toll on my wardrobe... my clothes are all getting too big!). To date, I have packed half a box of my grandmother's china. So that will likely occupy my spare time over the next week.

Darden finally released the pre-enrollment modules, and planning on being able to just zip right through them, I was stopped dead in my tracks on the first question of the Excel module. See, I'm kind of an Excel ninja (a term coined by my former "BUS 201" prof). I can do a lot of really awesome fancy stuff. However, I'm still operating in old Excel 2003, and next year I will be using 2007. SO, I will have to spend some time with 2007 before I can take the module. Since that will require downloading the trial version with little enough time that I can buy a copy from the school before it expires, the pre-enrollment modules will just have to wait until after I move.

Anyway... did not intend to make this so long! This evening totally got away from me. After watching what ended up being a 2-hour season finale of Ugly Betty (show I am most ashamed of watching...), a 40 minute phone call to our "beloved" Internet provider who had shut off our service in the transition to my roommate's name, a quick run before the sun set, and finally the toilet plugging up, I barely finished what I really wanted to accomplish. And the messages waiting in my various inboxes will just have to go unanswered another evening...

Choose Happiness

Lately, I've gotten caught in the trap of thinking that joy and happiness are something that are supposed to be bestowed on me by some sort of external force, blessing or circumstance. This is something I've blogged about before, so if you want all the reasoning for why happiness is internally generated, you can read that. (And, if you don't believe me, check out this Freakonomics blog or this Cracked article.) Today what is really on my mind is what DOES make us happy.

There are many studies out there, I am sure, which go into the specifics of how to raise kids happy, whether happiness is genetic, whether religious people or political people or whatever are more happy. But, since I am fairly fixed in all of the above factors, those studies have little bearing on my disposition.

Instead, I have discovered that happiness and positivity are a choice. It comes down to what we choose to tell ourselves about our circumstances and how we look at things.

Here's a confession: I get road rage. I don't know if it's my competitive side, or just leftover anger issues from when I was a child (I threw tantrums and stuff... those aren't really acceptable anymore, so I just take it out when I drive, maybe?), but I definitely road rage. (For anyone who doesn't know me... I'm really not an angry person. In fact, anyone who knows me doesn't believe I road rage until they witness it firsthand.)

Anyway, there is pretty much one freeway that connects my house to the rest of my life (work, parents' house, friends' houses, etc.), there are no side streets I can take to avoid it, and it's under construction. Construction which makes the drive home from work mind-numbingly slow. Any number of factors can set me off on the drive home, and I often arrive home completely stressed out from the drive.

However, seeing that this was a growing trend, I decided to see what happened if I just chose to look at the situation differently. "Okay, Julie, there's nothing you can do to make this traffic move any faster. You are not in a rush, and there is no benefit to arriving home even 5 minutes earlier." As patronizing as I may be to myself, it actually works. Nothing external changed, but the way I saw the situation changed.

Our circumstances really have little bearing on our disposition. We can blame them for our disposition, and many people will probably understand. But ultimately, we are the ones who need to choose how we see life and how we frame our circumstances.

Going into this week, I choose positivity. I choose to stop stressing over the construction on the Whitemud. I choose to appreciate that the snow tomorrow morning will save me from watering my lawn. And I hope that by making these small choices, it will become a habit to choose positivity in the big things as well.

Blog With an Identity Crisis

Though I haven't started writing, I have a feeling this might get long. You may want to grab a cup of tea before you start reading... I know I just did.

As I mentioned in my previous blog posting, this recent surge of blogging activity has been due to inspiration from the Darden Student Bloggers. After spending time over the last few days reading over their blogs, I decided that I would read another blog: my own. I went back in time to 2005 and reminisced over the trials, lessons, joys and pains of the last four years.

It was quite interesting to get reacquainted with myself. It was interesting to look back on my dreams and ambitions of years past and see how far I've come. I'm actually amazed, not only at how my goals and career ambitions have remained solid, but at how much progress has been made against those goals.

But I digress...

When I first started blogging, it was an outlet of exploring my life and my faith and their interactions. As I've developed more and more of a passion for things like business, social justice and corporate social responsibility (CSR), I've blogged about those things as well. And, more recently, I've put forth a practical, more newsy voice as I talk about the specifics of moving to the US to attend a top business school. (Yes, I have to keep writing that, since Darden isn't as well known here in Western Canada!)

So I'm at a point where I don't really know whether I should be blogging about deep thoughts on life, my faith, business, social justice and responsibility or my upcoming life at Darden. And, my strategic mind things that all of these belong on separate blogs, maintained by separate identities.

But I think the big challenge and joy in life is learning to merge all that we are. I should never be shy about my faith. Even though there are Christians out there who have made it embarassing at times to claim ties to this faith (and, to be fair, I am FAR from perfect or even loving or graceful), it is still something that is absolutely foundational to who I am. My faith and business cannot be separate.

At the same time, I can't separate out my passions for business, social justice and CSR. And while those things may not seem as though they fit together, they are the main motivation for pursuing an MBA. And the social justice is rooted in my faith...

And I don't want to separate out my journeys to Darden. There has been something encouraging and inspiring about reading about the student blogs, and I want a record of my own journeys. I love looking back on my own journey and seeing how things really did end up. It ties back to my faith and seeing God's hand in the ordinary, sometimes mundane, yet entirely beautiful journey of my life.

So, here it is, unapologetically: my blog with an identity crisis. If I were attempting to make revenue from this blog, I would separate it into three or four blogs to attract different audiences.

But I'm not. And the truth is that while others may eavesdrop, (and I do try to pan my perspectives out to be broader than my own circumstances) this blog is ultimately for me. Reading over the last four years of my life, I've gotten back in touch with a girl who loves to think, ponder and write, and I'd like to keep her around a little more.

Experience, Advice and Social Networking

Yes, two blogs in one day. That's what happens when I've got lots on my mind and chose to eat my lunch from home rather than going out with all my co-workers.

Anyway, I've come to appreciate the value of social networking more than I ever thought possible over the last few weeks. I've also come to learn just how valuable our experience is, simply as experience and not as expertise.

Rather than launching into a long expository, I'll just give some examples.

• The BusinessWeek website has a forum for MBA students. While in recent weeks, this site temporarily lost much of its usefulness, during the height of application season, it was very valuable to me. Not only did I meet people from all over the world, I also gleaned tons of useful information. It was good to hear other people's interview experiences and application tips.
• Being involved on the BWForum has lead to several people writing to ask me advice on various topics. A while back, I got an email asking how the Canadian economy was really doing. (This was before the commodity drop, and I'm still very satisfied with the answer I gave.) Most recently, I got an email from someone who will be applying asking for advice. While I initially thought it funny that someone would ask ME advice, I realized that I do have knowledge having gone through the admissions process myself. As someone who is never shy about giving advice, I realized that I actually had to hold myself back from writing a novel.
• Reading the blogs from the Darden Student Bloggers has been awesome. They've been through everything that I will go through in a few short months, and their insight into the process has been much appreciated. In fact, I can attribute my recent surge in blogging activity to their inspiration! Though I know that I will not be able to escape "Black November," I am starting to think hard about how to keep the main things in my life the main things next year. (Plus, who can forget that I learned about the U2 concert AND found someone to go with through one of those blogs...)
• Twitter... When I first started on Twitter, I thought it was dumb. Then I came across a blog with a link to Darden students, future students and alum and just started following them. Thinking it would be nothing more than the people I was following wondering who the random girl was, instead they started following me and even sending me messages! I've learned a lot just from following their tweets. If I have questions about prepping for student life, I just post it to my profile, and I ALWAYS get a response... usually several.
• Facebook - But of course. Though the value of Facebook has only been slightly marginal in terms of school so far, I am looking forward to being kept informed of the pre-school activities when I arrive in C'ville. I've made several "friends" so far and am getting to know my future classmates.

Anyway... Social networking is, in my opinion, one of the best features of the Internet. I could go on and on about people that I've met through these various forums, but there are just so many stories that they would get boring after a while. (That is, if they haven't already...)

And... having experience makes your information and insight valuable.

Canadians and US Student Visas

Okay... this is the part where I share my story so that if any Canadians entering the US to go to school happen to be reading this, they will avoid my stress.

With all due respect to the US, while Canadians are pretty much immersed in American culture from early in life, Americans just don't really think of Canadians at all. This isn't a dig at Americans, it's just something that makes sense when you consider the population and influence of the US vs. the population and influence of Canada.

Anyway, there is an agreement between the US and Canada called NAFTA which basically makes trade rules different between the countries than between all other international countries. For a long time, Canadians didn't even need a passport to go to the US (or Mexico, for that matter). Since 9/11 this has changed, but the change has been gradual and hasn't even been fully implemented.

This is a really long explanation for my short story. I was always under the impression that acquiring a visa required sending away your passport to get a visa stamped in it. This process, if affected by red tape, could take an unknown number of days.

My best friend is getting married in Iowa on July 24. I want to be down there a week ahead of time to help get ready and throw lots of parties for her. However, since you need a passport to fly into the US, I was under a ton of stress hoping that I would get my passport back in time.

Well... in an effort to expedite the process, I went to see how the whole interview booking process worked last night. After entering all my information, I got a message saying I didn't need a visa to enter the States.

So, I emailed the international students office at UVA (which has been quite helpful, by the way!) and got the reply this morning that I only need my I-20, not a visa in my passport.

Which is a relief... but I wonder why I stressed so much!

Spring Beauty

This morning, I had the pleasure of getting outside for a run before the weather took a nasty turn for the worse.

Spring is awesome. The trees are JUST starting to bud now and I know that any day there will be big green leaves on the branches which look bare now from a distance. The ducks and seagulls were out on the river, and it was just a beautiful morning all around. I think God woke me up this morning for my run (I hadn't set my alarm since I was up late last night) just so that I could remember that He really does love me, snow aside.

One of the things that I both love and hate about myself is that I feel a strong connection to nature. This isn't the type of nature connection that leads me to be passionate about sleeping in tents; rather, it is a draw that gives me immense peace when I catch the beauty of nature. Sometimes, I'll be having the WORST day, and I'll be walking up the path to my door, glance up, notice the clear night sky complete with Northern Lights, and remember that the same God who took the time to make all that beautiful is going to create beauty in my own life. I remember another such reminder when I was in Cuba. Though I was on vacation, we'd had a long day and I was tired and needed some alone time. I went down to walk along the deserted beach, and my timing enabled me to catch the gorgeous ocean sunset. Being alone with that view just gave me peace.

There have been so many experiences like that in my life.

This morning was a moment like that. Though there was nothing on my mind, considering the nasty weather that we have now, I feel blessed to have experienced the pleasantly crisp, but sunny, start to the day.

Already Behind

School is not slated to start for more than 3 months, but I already feel behind. There's an organization called JumpStart that provides career and networking resources for minority students. Not that I've ever really thought of myself as a minority before, but being a woman in business apparently makes me one!

Anyway, JumpStart has a program called Virtual Coach, which requires the completion of various assignments throughout the months leading up to B-school. My next assignment is due tomorrow, and I had completely forgotten about it. This would be fine except we have the wrap-up for the junior high girls mentoring program I've been volunteering with tonight. I will definitely be able to get it done, but the significant value that I get out of the Virtual Coach comes from the time I put into it. Seeing as how I am looking to make a career switch and get into consulting, which is the most competitive industry other than finance, I need to get as much value as I can! Secondly, I was supposed to get feedback from people in my network on my strengths and weaknesses. Fortunately, I tend to keep a record of these things, so I should be able to pull it off.

For now, I will blame my "behindness" on not being in the zone. These last few months were supposed to be for relaxing, but in a soft economy, no one can afford to just relax!

Happy Mother's Day!

Mothers are amazing. Having friends who are going through the childbirthing stages of life, I can really see all that mothers go through, both in the process of becoming a mother, and in all the years following. Pregnancy and childbirth don't really seem like much of a picnic, nor do sleepless nights and diaper changing. Then, as children grow up and develop personalities of their own and start making their own decisions, there are always challenges to be faced.

My own mother is amazing. When I hear other people talk about typical mothers, I can never really identify. Many people complain about how their mothers talk and nag, but my mom isn't like that at all. She's always been the "strong, silent type." She speaks when she has something relevant to say. Though there have been times when she's given me wisdom or correction in my life, I have never felt as though she nagged. Well, maybe in junior high, but that was probably more due to my own attitude than hers.

More importantly than anything, my mom has been a great example. She has had a very successful career, and yet has always been able to keep her priorities straight, staying home to work when my sisters and I were in elementary school, and making time to serve others. Her (and my father) have always made me and my sisters believe that we can do anything we want. As I head off to do my MBA at a top business school in the US, my sisters are preparing for their own successful careers. (Ironically, I will be the only daughter who doesn't get to put "Dr." in front of her name!) I have no doubt that it was the strong support and encouragement of our parents that have led us down these paths.

Anyway, I think it's great that we have a day to honour mothers. For all they do and contribute to this world, one day hardly seems enough. I suppose, Mom, since you lost at the board games today, we'll have to have a mother's day sequel and let you win. ;-)

I Love Lucy Gender Role Commentary

Today I turned on the TV, and "I Love Lucy" happened to be on. It was the episode where Lucy and Ricky switch roles. Ricky (I hope that's his name; I rarely watch the show!) does the housework and Lucy goes to work in a chocolate factory.

As I watched the show, I got kind of irritated. It's funny how much our society has evolved over the last 50 years or so and how that kind of humour would never really fly today. In the relationships between my married friends, housework and cleaning are split equally. Other than friends on maternity leave, I don't know any women who don't work.

When I was doing my undergrad, I took a course called "Perspectives" taught by, what I thought at the time, an overly feminist prof. She talked about how hard it is for women in the workplace, and I thought she was off her rocker. Since taking that class, I've been working in a very male-dominated engineering firm and I must reluctantly admit that I see where she is coming from. Before I go on, I should preface my rant by saying that I get along well with my co-workers and I really appreciate them. BUT, it can be hard sitting in the lunchroom when the guys are ogling the "Sunshine Girl". Since I long stopped caring to memorize the specs of various cars and hockey stats and have never played video games (save for my periodic Sims addiction which I shouldn't even really admit to in public ;-) ), I don't fit in when the conversation drifts in those directions. Though it hasn't been a challenge thus far in my career, since I've still been able to develop tight enough relationships that I can work well with the guys I need to work with, I can see how it would be an issue if I were staying at the company long-term and wanted to, say, fit in with a partnership team that is comprised entirely of males.

Besides the typically addressed "Old Boys Club," I have to admit that there are also biological factors that can hamper a woman's career. Other than the rare (but prominently featured on Oprah) case where a man ends up carrying a baby, the woman is the one whose body is used for 9 months to carry a child. After that time, it is the woman who must breast feed her child until that stage is over. Though there are ways to shorten this process, the reality is that for women to have children, there are career sacrifices which must be made. Men don't face this same kind of trade-off. Whereas a woman must choose between family and career (if not long-term, definitely in the short-term), a man does not have this challenge.

Anyway, I don't know what can be further done about gender equality. I just found it very interesting that the gender-role-switching was so humourous back in the I Love Lucy days.

Time, Where Did You Go?

Yes, two blog posts in one day. (See below for news on the Kindle DX)

This week has completely flown by. When I found out I had gotten into Darden at the end of January, it felt like it was going to take forever to actually get there. I started counting down the number of weeks left at work when there were about 17 left, and after tomorrow, I'm down to 10. And 7 weeks ago just didn't feel that long.

My sisters, who are going to be my road trip buddies for the drive down to C'ville, are already starting to talk about booking their flights home.

Reading the blogs and Twitter posts of current and recently graduated Darden students has made me realize that my time at Darden will fly by. In the meantime, I am still working out some of the big details of going to school. It's hard to believe that in just over a year's time, I'll be starting my internship. I have no idea what the next year holds, but I know that it will be a great adventure, and that it will go by WAY too fast.

For now, it's time to stop and smell the roses that are life in Edmonton. It's time to enjoy having my long-time friends and family close by (well, most of them...), the more relaxed schedule, and the bi-monthly paycheque. :-)

Kindle DX

One of the exciting things about moving to the US is the ability to take advantage of things that should be available in Canada, but are not. These include: hulu, iTunes TV shows (sorry iTunes Canada, but I DON'T watch Little Mosque on the Prairie) and the Kindle.

A Kindle is a device produced by Amazon that allows you to download books and read them in one handy portable device. Just recently, Amazon produced the Kindle DX which has a larger screen and better graphics display than the original Kindle.

The really exciting thing is that Darden has a partnership with Amazon to do a pilot project on using the Kindle in academics. If I am lucky enough to be part of the pilot project, this would mean no paper cases and no textbooks to haul around. Plus, it would mean I get a free Kindle to test out, which would be awesome.

Anyway, if you are a fellow incoming Dardenite (I keep calling us that, if I'm wrong, someone please correct me soon!), here is some information on the project:

Darden Announcement: http://www.darden.virginia.edu/html/news_article.aspx?id=19238
UVA Announcement: http://www.virginia.edu/uvatoday/newsRelease.php?id=8566
BusinessWeek Article: http://www.businessweek.com/bschools/blogs/mba_admissions/archives/2009/05/amazon_chooses.html
Darden Admissions Blog: http://dardenadmissions.wordpress.com/2009/05/06/amazon-selects-darden-to-participate-in-kindle-education-project/

Let It Go...

Yesterday was a very frustrating day. To make a long story short, I got stuck doing a lot of IT stuff and felt in over my head. (I'm not an IT person... I dropped out of computing science 8 years ago so I wouldn't become an IT person, but I still know too much about computers since I grew up with them in the house as my mother is a computer programmer.) And I was at work late, staring at my computer screen getting frustrated. When that happens, I just start to feel frustrated about everything...

As I stared at my computer screen, all I could think of was that I wanted to be running through the river valley. So, when I wrapped things up and gave up for the night, that's precisely what I did.

As I was running, a song called "Daisy" by the band Switchfoot came on my iPod. As I was listening to it, I felt an immense rush of peace, and wanted to share the lyrics:

Daisy, give yourself away
Lookup at the rain
The beautiful display
Of power and surrender
Giving us today
And she gives herself away

Rain, another rainy day
Comes up from the ocean
Give herself away
She comes down easy
On rich and debt the same
And she gives herself away

Let it go
Daisy, Let it go
Open up your fist
This fallen world
Doesn't hold your interest
It doesn't hold your soul
Daisy, let it go

Pain, give yourself a name
Call yourself contrition
Avarice or blame
Giving isn't easy
Neither is the rain
When she gives herself away

Daisy, why another day?
Why another sunrise
Who will take the blame
For all redemptive motion
And every rainy day
When he gives himself away
--------------------

I don't spend enough time surrendering. I get frustrated at work because I expect myself to have all the answers right away. But they take time, and often the input of someone else with a slightly different skill set to shed a new perspective. I get frustrated with life because I expect it to fall in place the way I see it, rather than trusting God's plan and His direction.

One thing that I always need to remember is to just "let it go." Nothing that happens on a daily basis is going to shatter my life. When I get wound up, it only makes things worse. If I want to release the stress, I just need to "open up [my] fists." I get so caught up thinking that it's success and accomplishments that matter in life, when really they are far down the list of what TRULY matters. It's easy to get caught up in what is tangible and easy to measure and let the things that truly matter - my faith, my family, relationships, serving others - slip.

But if I can learn to let go of this obsessive drive for success and instead learn to, as one of my good friends always tells me, "breathe and let God do the rest," I think I will have fewer frustrating days.

Travelling Dreams

As I added my bucket list to my blog this past weekend, I realized that despite having about 90% of the things on the list involving travel, I have done very little travelling in my life. I've started to wonder how, as someone who really dreams of travelling, I've managed to pass it up all these years.

There are probably a million different excuses I could lay down for not doing it, but I think when it comes down to it, I just need to make a plan and go for it. A book I read a while back ("Climbing the Corporate Ladder in High Heels" by Kathleen Archambeau) suggested that we should visit three new places every year. I think, with that in mind, that it is a good thing I am moving to Virginia. Though I hit my three places last year, I've exhausted every good road tripping location within a reasonable drive from Edmonton. Though time and money will be tight next year, I'm hoping that I can get in some good low-budget road trips. At the very least, I've got a wedding in Sioux City,Iowa and a stop in Louisville, Kentucky on the drive down to Darden this summer. I shouldn't have too much trouble getting in a third destination.

Any other suggestions on getting in European travel on a very low budget?

Change

As a junior high student, the cross-country running unit in gym was one to be dreaded, feared and suffered through. I am definitely not a runner. But lately, I've started running. And I'll tell you a secret... I really enjoy it!

My newfound appreciation for running has stemmed from a series of lifestyle changes that I am making in an attempt to develop healthy habits. And as I went for my nice, long run this afternoon, I spent a lot of time pondering what it really takes for us to make change in our lives.

A lot of times, we are impacted by big events, but the actual changes that result from these moments are lived out in our daily choices. I cannot call myself a runner now; I still have to choose to go running every time I go. There are days when I'm tired, and would really rather lie in bed and watch an episode of Chuck on DVD, but I've been finding that I'm always glad when I instead make the choice to go for a run.

Though I've only been doing it a few weeks, I'm already finding myself in better shape. My endurance is better and I can run longer and faster. My body shape is even changing. All of these are good things, but they are not because I've started running. They are all because of the cumulative effect of making many choices to go for a run instead of sitting on the couch.

Leaving

For a long time, I've been counting down the time until my big move to Virginia. Tonight was the first time that all the implications of leaving really set in.

It's ironic... Today one of the current Darden students posted a link to a YouTube video from Darden Follies entitled "Don't Make Me Leave Darden" on Twitter. (PS I am on Twitter... @missjoolz) I've had it stuck in my head ever since watching it and it feels very weird. It's gotten me to thinking about why I'm doing this whole MBA thing. I'm not a fool; I know the economy is terrible right now. The main reason for getting an MBA is to break into management consulting, and the job market is not going to make that an easy transition!

Then I went for a run this evening. As I was running through the river valley, I was thinking about what a great location I have. Everything here in Edmonton is so comfortable. I know where to find everything. I've lived here for nearly 18 years! I have a ton of connections here. As I was attempting to fall asleep tonight, I started thinking about the big good-bye party when I leave and how hard it will be to say goodbye to everyone. I pictured myself loading up my car and saying goodbye to my parents, and how much I will miss them. (I have to say that since my mom reads my blog... JUST KIDDING... I really will miss you.)

And Virginia is about as foreign as it can get for me while still being only one country away. For all the American television I've grown up around, there are still things that make Americans so very different... leaving shoes on in the house, miles and Fahrenheit, the Southern accent, different restaurant chains... and those are just the differences I can think of!

But for all the apprehensions I may be experiencing, I have no doubt it will be worth it. In the next two years, I will make lifelong friendships, develop a strong knowledge of the business world, experience a (slightly) different culture and meet people from other cultures, and network with people who also have a passion for social responsibility and bounce ideas off them so we can change the world. I don't think anyone ever shaped history by staying comfortable.

I just hope that the words from one of the choruses from "Don't Make Me Leave Darden" don't come back to haunt me in two years:

"I should have never left work; I feel like such a jerk."

Another Step...

Today I got my first US dollar chequing account set up. Not a big deal, but another step on the way to my MBA adventures in Virginia.

In other news, I'm still trying to wade through the muck of student loans and visas. Never before in my life have I wished that I had dual citizenship as much as I do now. Also, I am continually finding myself wishing that we were not in the midst of the worst recession of my life.

But what can you do? As I must continually remind myself, God is in control. If this is all supposed to work out, then it will. If it isn't, well, then no amount of stressing or worrying could change that fact. There are solutions, they are just not as ideal as I would hope.

Spring has FINALLY Sprung!

Just a week ago, I was pessimistically musing to myself, "if April showers bring May flowers, then what do April flurries bring?"

Today, the sun has finally made it's triumphant entrance and I think it's safe to say that spring is finally here. The snow has melted at an unprecedented wait, and the roads and sidewalks are finally clear to walk on again. The sun was shining today, and rather than driving to do errands, I've started walking again!

The weather seems like a trivial thing to blog about, but this past winter seemed especially dreadful. I don't know if it was metaphorically influenced, but with all the stress of MBA applications, the winter just seemed long and arduous.

Though I have no idea where I will end up in a few years, both career-wise and geographically, there is a possibility that I've suffered through my last Edmonton winter. I think that's why this spring feels especially epic.

A few years ago, I was talking to a friend about something I was struggling with. She said that the thing I was struggling with was like winter. It's hard to see the end, but you know it's coming. I remember that conversation keenly, because we had it in April, and I had just gotten a sunburn from studying outside. No matter how frustrating or seemingly endless our struggle may be, there is hope. How appropriate that this spring breakthrough happened on Easter weekend.

Anyway, for anyone reading this and living on the northern hemisphere... enjoy your spring!

What Do You Want to Be Known For?

Perhaps it was the sermon at church last night, or maybe a timely conversation with a co-worker this morning, but the above question has been ringing in my mind. As my life is currently pre-occupied with the upcoming move to Virginia to get my MBA, the question is well-warranted.

When applying for MBA programs, you have to do a significant amount of introspection. For me, this part wasn't difficult. I've wanted to go into strategy consulting for a few years, eventually becoming an expert in strategy and corporate social responsibility (CSR).

There is a part of me that fears that I'll forget about CSR, and focus only on the part that comes easy. I joke a lot about how my life will be filled with Jimmy Choos (note: for those who don't know, Jimmy Choos are insanely fabulous shoes), but the reality is that if this is the only thing I'm living for, life will be quite empty.

Life needs to be about more than a "dream" job, a Central Park-facing apartment (yes, I know, in my dreams) and a closet full of Jimmy Choos. My heart has always been for the poor and the underprivileged. It seems irrational to think that after 27 years of working or volunteering as a champion for social justice that I'll just forget it all and chase my career. But I like having these occasional reminders that life is about more than "success" in the material sense. I hope they keep on coming...

U2 in C'ville - One More Thing Off the Bucket List!

SO... I just found out that U2 is coming to Charlottesville on October 1.

When I started to plan to move down to the States, one of the big perks that I realized was that I would be able to see more concerts than I can in big ole Edmonton. When U2 announced their tour, I thought maybe, just possibly, they MIGHT make a stop in Washington DC, which is 2 hours from C'ville. Never did I dream that they would come right into Charlottesville!!!

The next challenge is getting tickets. In my haste to buy them, I think I got totally ripped off. Watch out for GoTickets.com... they are total scalpers. Tickets don't go on sale until Friday...

EDIT: Cancelled the GoTickets.com order and got them through Ticketmaster. (Yes, it's before Friday... I signed up for U2.com to take advantage of the pre-sale!)

I bought 4 tickets. I've got 2 left if anyone wants to come visit October 1...

Is Capitalism Dying?

If you know me at all, you know that I'm pro-free market and pro-capitalism. I think capitalism works precisely because people ARE naturally selfish, and capitalism is kept in check by the knowledge that providing bad products or treating people unfairly will eventually lead to lower profits.

However, two things have lately been really irking me about capitalism and making me wonder if we may be in the process of an economic paradigm shift. First, the whole financial collapse. Right there was a whole system left alone by market forces, and look what happened. Rather than using greed as a method by which to keep goods and services at optimum levels, it was used to make extreme profits at the expense of the entire financial system.

Canadian banks, which were regulated far more closely than American ones, have fared amazingly well despite the financial collapse in the US and the overall global recession. Point for regulation...

The other thing that got me thinking about the whole capitalist system was a discussion about green technology over dinner last night. Right now, a lot of green technologies are far more expensive than their non-green alternatives. At what point does higher profit trump sustainability? If using a greener technology allows a company to still make a profit, but it is not as high, what incentive is there for management, whose compensation is typically linked to short-term profits, to go green?

Maybe it's not capitalism so much as the entire stock market phenomenon. Maybe "the corporation," as owned by thousands of individuals out to earn a buck, needs to be transformed into something owned by people who have a greater interest in the company. I've heard of employee-owned organizations, and co-ops (which are customer-owned), and perhaps these models deserve a second look?

Just some thoughts...